Kiss Me My Darling, Darling I Need You.

Chapter 13: Little Drummer Boy.

December 22nd, 2011

I sat at the laptop, attempting to get the last chapters of my book written before the baby is born in a few weeks. It's mind boggling knowing that he's going to be here by the end of January. I'm going to spend Valentine's Day with my son. He's going to be here at the beginning of a new year and he's going to mark the start of a new life for me. He's brought me a lot of joy already, and he's not even here yet. Just feeling him moving and kicking, it's the greatest feeling ever. I can't explain it. It feels like yesterday that I found out I was having him. I couldn't help but soak in the memory.

I twiddled my thumbs and sighed faintly, staring at my muddy hiking boots as I sat on the examination table alone. The only thought that rang through my head was something I had written a few years ago. It's something important to me.

My attention was dragged towards the drably coloured door to the drably coloured room opening. The dark skinned female Doctor came into the room with a yellowish-white folder in her hands and a weary smile spread across her face. My heart started to race, and I could feel my stress levels starting to climb. My mind hazed out while my thoughts reeled recklessly. She sat down on the older than old swivel chair and gazed at the folder she was opening. I stretched out my neck to try and catch a sneak peek but English looked like gibberish now. Her dark eyes flicked up to meet mine.

"Well the results came back and they're negative." I sighed a breath of relief. I figured since Pat has cheated on me so many times I needed to get checked out just in case he gave me something.

"But," She paused. My entire body tensed up. "–One test did come up positive." My heart stopped and my head felt like it was about to explode. I inhaled deeply, preparing for the worst. Is she about to tell me that I have an STD? Is she going to tell me that I'm HIV positive? My God, what is she going to tell me? What in God's name do I have?

"Congratulations, Ms Rivera, you're pregnant."

Nine months have gone by fast. Scary fast. I didn't realize I could singlehandedly prepare for the arrival of another human being in a few short months. I've decorated the nursery and baby proofed the apartment. I've got him books and toys, and lots of clothes. I am ready for him to be here already. Unfortunately I'm going to be alone when he's born. My mom can't come because my step dad is a dick and won't let her come out for the holidays until he's born. Rae can't be here either because she has Valentina to look after. It's disheartening knowing that I'll have nobody there for my labour and his birth but I know I can do it. If my mom can do it, so can I. She's everything I aspire to be.

I sighed heavily and rubbed the mountain under my shirt with a smile. He's been making me have bad gas cramps all afternoon but that's probably because I'm not letting him have the grape soda he wants me to have. I'm sure at one point tonight at the Christmas party I'll give in and have some kind of carbonated beverage. Tonight there's a Christmas party at the Church and I'm going. I don't have too many friends here but I don't mind being alone. The friends I do have go to Church and have kids, and are married. I'm the only single mommy amongst the group. I don't mind though, the other moms are wonderful and are more than happy to help me whenever. I just wished my mom was here to help me whenever. I just wished my mom was here to celebrate Christmas with me. This is my first Christmas alone. I have no one to spend it with. But that doesn't mean I didn't get a tree or decorate. I did all of that. The girls from Church threw me a baby shower but said I wasn't allowed to open any of the gifts until Christmas. I know they want me to have a good Christmas with presents and all but I don't really want to celebrate alone. I don't care for gifts or dinner; I just didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be alone of Christmas, I didn't want to be alone on New Years and I most certainly didn't want to be alone when I went into labour and through delivery. Sometimes I wish Matt was here to help me. But that's one chapter that's been closed and I can't reopen it.