The Bad Batch: One Shot Collection

Guilt and Memories

Emerie knows Hemlock twisted a lot of things about the galaxy when he raised her. But figuring out truth from lies is very, very hard.

I know, I've written stuff like this a thousand times, but I can never get enough of it. :>

"So... Echo said you needed to come back for a few days?"

Emerie's grateful Wrecker decided to be the icebreaker here – to cut through the silence that is nothing except her and Pabu's rushing, rolling waves. "Yes," she confirms with a soft sigh.

She did. She had to go, because doubts creeping in were too much, and she was beginning to fear she'd be no more than a liability to the brothers she already has caused so much pain to.

Wrecker lightly bumps his elbow into her shoulder. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe." Want is still something entirely new and foreign to her, something Emerie has very little idea or concept of trying to grasp. Her brothers and Omega throw the word around like it has actually held meaning, but Emerie doesn't know that way. They stayed on Pabu because they wanted to.

Emerie doesn't know what she wants. "I do not know I truly comprehend the meaning of 'want'," she says slowly. "I have, truly, never made a single decision for myself."

"You chose to help us," Wrecker replies wholeheartedly. "That's somethin;!"

"That was only through Echo's prodding," Emerie replies, ducking her head. Shame floods in, rapid and smothering. If not for Echo, she would have continued to hurt her brothers because she knew no other way. But what she did or did not know doesn't excuse...

Tantiss.

Or how she was complicit in everything which Hemlock did there. To her brothers, to those children, to everyone.

"I don't really see the difference," Wrecker admits with a careless shrug.

He wouldn't, Emerie expects. Wrecker is... different. So different from her and how she was raised. "I went with him because I believed it was my duty," Emerie explains. "After all the pain that I had caused, I believed I had to make some choice to make up for it. It is largely the same concept I have always followed."

Duty, for better or worse, and she might be doing it for good now, but what if she gets that wrong again? What if she hurt smore people, what if she...

Just makes everything worse/ When has she ever, truly, done something to help another? Other than Eva?

I don't have that kind of power.

Don't you?

"Didn't ya go with Echo because you wanted to?" Wrecker's voice sounds slightly strained.

He should be resting – Tantiss was only over a week ago. All her brothers – from this squad were hurt, and they're still recovering. Emerie's just here, taking him away from that, too. "I..."

Went. Because she knew she had to make up for something, and all she'd felt inside was smothering, oppressive guilt that ate her inside out, and she wanted to make that stop. She had to make it stop, because she couldn't live with it, and she had to do something to help all the brothers around her that she'd hurt because – because they needed it. Because it was her duty once, and she failed, because she did what Hemlock told her too.

"Don't know," she confesses quietly. "Regardless, I will endeavor to right my wrongs."

Greif flashes on his face, come and gone. Omega has told her enough times she reminds her of Tech to not have to heat it from Wrecker. And Tech is on the list of people she allowed Hemlock to hurt as well.

What's left of his mind is... going to take a long time to heal. His memories will never come back. Clone Force 99 still lost their brother, and Emerie did nothing to help.

"I don't blame you," Wrecker tells her earnestly. "It was all Hemlock and the Empire."

"And I still sided with them."

"Crosshair's already falling the guilt hole," Wrecker whines. "Don't do that, too."

"Sorry?"

"You don't hafta apologize." His smile has slid into something more serious, more distant. "I have things I regret, too. We all do. That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop fighting... or that you have to."

"But," Emerie argues immediately, because as far as she can see, things are plain and simple. "I do. I caused all that pain... I cannot refuse too aid when there are so many I have to make up to. The issue I am having... is that when I am out there, I simply do not know what to do. You and your brothers were trained and prepared to be in civilian circumstances, to... a certain point, judging by what I have heard from the other clones. But I have never had that."

Which means walking into a civilian area leaves her with absolutely no idea of what to expect. She knows she is overreacting, but sometimes, it is difficult to tell where her own fear disappears and Hemlock's words begin. If only she could tear herself free of his memory entirely – but... that simply is impossible.

And, it feels so unfair for her to be dumping this all out on Wrecker.

Her little brother who is still recovering from his efforts to rescue Omega, who Emerie could have helped and did nothing for.

"I should have helped you all long ago."

"If it helps, I'm not actually angry at you," Wrecker volunteers quickly. "If you'd tried to do somethin', you all would've been killed."

"Logically, I know all of that, but..." That isn't enough to make the guilt stop. At least not anymore.

"And being out here means I'm doing nothing to actually help my brothers."

"You got outta there," Wrecker reminds. "That's all any of us can do. We can't stop the Empire. That's why Hunter's brought us all out here – where we can live until this is over."

To give up like that is... something Emerie can very much understand, actually. She would, most likely, if she had the chance. And if it were possible at all for her.

"I know. But I still feel like it's my duty to help, and... I don't' know how to do that."

Not when her mind whispers dangers in every street, of how the Empire could find her or something else lethal could. And she doesn't deserve life any more than the brothers she allowed to die, but she still... wants to live.

That is one thing she knows she wants.

Meeting Omega changed everything for her, but with change comes a million unanswered, terrifying questions. Questions that Emerie has simply never been permitted to ask. Because... that was something Hemlock would not allow.

"What if all I do is make things worse?" She turns her helpless gaze on her brother, but naturally there would be nothing Wrecker could do to help, and neither should he, when this is her mess.

"You're the one who helped get us out," Wrecker points out, offering a bright smile. "You helped us."

Emerie sighs. She's tired, mind too worn and everything from the last few... everything. Everything since Omega landed in her life has been nothing if not confusing... and overwhelming. "Being in the world is... different."

"It was scary for us at first, too," Wrecker replies. "Trynna figure out who to trust, where we could go and how to stay away from the Empire... but you get used to it." He lightly punches her shoulder again. "I know you will."

Emerie really, really hopes he's right.

Everyone accepts change, but the accepting is the harder part. At least for her.

Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^

We have a discord server, so please feel free to join if you like this fic!! Or if you just want to talk about the fandom. We have sections for all four fandoms we're writing in, and we're hoping to have an audience ready to interact with in all four! (SW, MCU, HTTYD, ATLA)

https://discord.gg/MkCdY32BYS