Reasons Why (DanxPhil)

Reason 8

Dancing- Years ago I used to dance around the house. My parents hated it. I was always singing and dancing. I would sing lyrics at the top of my lungs and dance in weird circles and try to make up dance moves. When I couldn't sleep I would walk outside and just dance in the lawn. Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and so many more bands lyrics were belted out of my lips at some point in my life. I also danced in my room all the time till the point of exhaustion. Dancing at The Brit Awards was my idea. I loved watching two of my favorite things combining into one with me in the middle of it. I remember rehearsing with Phil in the living room. He never got it right. This was all when he wasn't mad at me. I still don't know why he is . I love him so much it's really hard to see him with everyone, but me. The other day I asked him if he wanted to go get some food (even though I wasn't hungry, I never am) and he said Peej and him were going somewhere.He didn't tell me before like we used to. I stopped dancing because of Phil. I stopped a lot of things because of him. I don't sing, play piano, or dance anymore. I miss the late nights of dancing and singing at the top of my lungs. The loud music from my headphones fueling all my actions late into the night. The music drowning the world out and creating a world of dance. I may not be good at dancing, singing, or even playing the piano, but every moment I've spent doing all those things have been a thousand times better. Lately I've been wondering if I should start dancing again. It helped me with my anger and tears. I feel more confident when I'm listening to music and dancing I feel like a new person. Not the shell of me. I feel like a kid again outside with nature. Before Phil and the depression. Before the extensional crisis. Before this notebook. Before the reasons. I loved the late night dancing. The hours of panting and sleeping after hours of dancing not hours of crying. Music makes me feel worthy. It makes me feel. Dancing takes me away from everything even the things I don't want to leave. Phil used to make me feel that way until I became a burden to him. He yells at me for everything. I still love him though. I'll never stop loving him like I'll never stop loving music. So for today I'm gonna keep on living for the sake of dancing; something that'll never hate me.

Dan Howell