Reasons Why (DanxPhil)

Reason 11

Fear- In my life I have feared many things. One of the big things is "fitting in". I never wanted to be like everyone else, but at the same time I wanted to be exactly like everyone else. Another thing I fear is the unknown, just like everyone else. The thing is I'm afraid to live because of my fears. I cannot concur them. They are part of me. I also fear not being good enough. When the fans start pressuring me to make videos, I'm not good enough for them. When Phil is mad at me, I'm not good enough. When my parents kicked me out, I wasn't good enough. When I mess up on air, I'm not good enough. There's so many reasons on my I'm good enough, but I am okay with it...for now. There is one thing that keeps we waking up the next day; Phil. I will never know if he loves me, but that's okay because the suspense in killing me. This is only reason 11 and I promised myself that I would make it to at least 50, but living is a chore now and I can barely take it. I miss the days where Phil was happy that I was home. Now it just seems like he is avoiding me. I fear his hatred. I fear his nonexistent love. I fear the nicest person in the world. I fear Phil. I fear the person who has been keeping me alive and they don't even know it. Today I planned my escape from the world. My note is only to Phil. I told him to live like he was, just pretend that he is still avoiding me. I'm not important and I know that. Ha kinda funny that people go through life thinking they matter and in the end the only person that matters is the last one living. They can either repopulate the world or die. They are important not me. Not anyone in this world. Phil will forget me, my parents won't care, and my fans just want videos. I could spend years trying to repair myself, but it would be useless and stupid. I'm broken beyond belief that's why I live for fear. I'm living for a liar. Today I am living for fear.

Dan Howell