If only I was there

Chapter 5

I arrived at the hospital and asked one of the nurse my sister's room. I ran to the room and opened the door to see Rachel lying on the bed with her legs wrapped with casts. She was    calling me with the most painful voice i have ever heard. I walked and stood beside her.

"Hey Rachel, what happened?"

"Meg, am i going to be disabled ? Can i walk after this?" With those questions i was speechless. I don't know what to say because i was not in her place so I couldn't understand her problem. I heard someone crying, breaking me from my thoughts. It was Rachel.

"Oh, Rachel. Don't cry baby. I'm sorry okay"

"Why are you sorry?" She looked at me in the eye with a confused look. She's so adorable.

"Because, if i was there I could get hurt with you. Or if i was there, we could go to New York together in my car. But no, i had to be selfish and let you go by bus. If only i was there, you could.."

"Megan, it's not your fault. I was the one who wanted to go by bus remember? Besides, maybe after a few months I'll recover." She flashed her smile. If only she knew that she's never going to walk again. The doctor was the one who told her. He told her that there was no chance for her legs to recover. She was devastated. Rachel was a runner but she can't run or even walk. An 11 year old girl who can't fulfill her dreams of becoming a runner made me sad and so I cried at my apartment's balcony that night when i got home.

I imagined myself driving to New York with her. We could've  avoid the accident. I imagined myself being  on the bus going to New York with Rachel and her friends. I could have protected her somehow. I imagined myself being there with her and not being so selfish. If only i was there, maybe she could walk again. But that wasn't going to happen because now she's disabled. So i blamed myself for that. I blamed myself for Claire crying every night remembering she's a barren. I blamed myself for my parents sending me to the foster house. If I was a good daughter and sister my parents won't left us at the foster house and Rachel won't be disabled. I blamed myself for everything that night. I hated myself. So. Much.

I was trying to sleep but i can't. I kept remembering about Rachel and how selfish i was. Suddenly, Rachel called from the hospital.

"Hey Megan, i can't sleep. Can you tell me a story?"

"Sure, there was a girl who wanted to go to far far away. So, she left her family in the swamp of doom. Her sister.."

"Megan stop. I know what you're trying to do and it's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself for everything. I'm disabled because i was destined too and you have to learn to live with it okay?"

"Rachel, you're right. Since when you grow up?"
We laughed and talked about our old memories together. It was nice for a while until she brought up about our parents.

"Megan, do you think mom and dad misses us?"

"To be honest with you Rachel, i don't think that they even care about us."

"..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't said that."

"It's okay. I understand. Well, good talking to you, sis. I'm going to go to bed goodnight. Love you"

"I love you too." Then, we hung up. I was so confused how Rachel can be so optimistic about our parents. Doesn't she hate them for leaving her? I know I do. I was getting angry so i got up and drank a glass of milk. Claire thought me to do that . After finished drinking my midnight milk, I fell asleep.