Dear Scott,
I don't know if you're going to understand this or even care but I have to try. I have withdrawals when were not on tour when we are not on tour. And they're not withdrawals from the energy of the crowd or the sheeting feeling of performing with Kelly Clarkson almost every night but from being close to you. Don't give me wrong I love my own space as well. But to go from being the person that you wanted to spend all of your time with, from being constantly wrapped up in your arms to not even seeing you when we live together it's hard.
I get it tour and superfruit it's our time. And in the other time it belongs to Alex but did you ever think that I wanted more. I know I sound like the most selfish person to ever grace this planet. But sometimes you can't help but sounding selfish when you have a book full of letters containing your hopes and dreams that you'll never read.
Scott sometimes I just feel like giving up, like throwing in the towel and running away. And not from our career, but from this lie I've been living. I'm hurt and I'm hurt in a way that I really can't understand and probably in the way that I don't deserve to be hurt but for right now I just don't know. I don't know why started these letters. I guess it's just a way to make things feel better but never felt so empty than when I have a book that has everything I've ever wanted to say if you but I can't. Scared that one day you can figure this out and you will hate me not because what I'm doing is wrong because that'll be the easiest way for you to handle it. Even more so I'm terrified that you might find out about this and want to become an official us. I can't give myself to you because I know I'll never be good enough and you deserve more than second-best.
Remember the last Prom we ever spent together and you grabbed me by my waist and pulled me in for the last slow dance of the night. I was so embarrassed but I wrap my arms around your neck as best as I could and laid my head on your chest (because I couldn't reach your shoulder) and we swayed. You whispered into my ear that I had made you complete and even then at 17 years old as optimistic as I was, under the twinkle lights that made everything seem possible. I knew I could never give you what you truly deserved but even then I saved you from the truth I smiled up at you and told you we would talk about it later. I guess we just did.
Mitch
