In My Eyes [Vkook]

Realization

I ransacked my room looking for my razor. The tears ran down my cheeks in waves. The memory kept rewinding through my head. The day Tae caught Yeri kissing me. More tears ran down my face when I couldn't find my razor. I fell to the ground in frustration. I looked around on the floor in case it fell with something. I cried when I couldn't find it. I need it...I need it...I don't wanna feel.

I stood and went to the bathroom. I grabbed one of my fathers disposable shaving razors and returned to my room. I smashed it, plastic flew in different directions. I picked up the now exposed razor blade. I lifted my sleeves, my phone buzzed when I pressed the blade to my skin.

I picked up my phone and looked at the screen, Jimin had texted me. I sighed and looked at it. 

Hey Jungkook :)

hi, I texted back. He seriously had to text me right now? I'm a little busy. 

What's up?

Nothing..u?

Just got home from dance

Ah..

Why are being short with your answers? 

Idk..just tired I guess.. My phone started to ring, I jumped. The contact was Jimin, I sighed. Do I have to answer? Yes. Do I want to? No. I sighed and hit the accept button. 

"Hey.." I said quietly. 

"Hey, you do sound tired. Why don't you sleep?" 

"I don't know.." I fumbled the razor in my fingers, sighing in relief when it would nick my flesh. I wanted that feeling more, I needed that feeling again. I heard Jimin's faint breathing on the other end. It somehow calmed me, then made me cry. The razor fell from my fingers. 

"Jungkook? You okay?" He said worriedly. 

"No I'm not, I'm far from okay. I'm broken" I cried into the phone. 

"Talk to me Jungkook"

"I'm standing on a very thin line of giving up and seeing how much more I can take" 

"Jungkook...did you..?" His voice cracked slightly. 

"No...I didn't" Not yet anyway..Jimin sighed in relief. I looked down at the razor on the ground. Light shines off the smooth metal, making it seem white. My hand twitched to pick it up, and slice it through my skin. I wanted to see the small red droplets leak from my pale skin. I wanted to watch the life drain from me. 

"Jungkook? Are you there?" Jimin broke the silence. I sighed and looked away from the razor blade. 

"Yeah, I'm here" I sighed, unfortunately. 

***

Jimin stayed on the phone with me for a few hours. He talked me into throwing away the razor, it hurt watching the razor fall to the bottom of the trash. My hand twitched to pick it up.

"Jungkook, why don't you come over to my house? So I know you won't do anything" He said. My heart thumped. What would be wrong with staying at Jimin's tonight? I sighed, and looked down at my hands. 

"Okay, am I walking?" I said quietly.  

"I'll be there in 30 to come get you" 

"Okay, see you then" I brought the phone away from my face and hung up the call. I grabbed a small black bag and slipped some stuff in there, sweats, long sleeve, my phone charger, and head phones. I slipped down stairs and waited on the porch. I sat on the chair and sighed. My thoughts went back to Tae. My heart ached, I placed a hand on my chest. I closed my eyes and felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I know what you're thinking, he's not worth it if he's treating me like this. That's the thing, he is worth it. I've spent years trying to get him and now I can't have him. I looked up and saw Jimin pull up. He climbed out and gave me his eye smile, I smiled wryly at him and went to the car. I climbed in and sighed from the heat of the heater. He smiled and climbed back inside and started driving.  

Tae POV-

I laid in bed staring at my ceiling, I felt the cold empty space next to me. How I wished Kookie was here with me, but I shoved him away and can'y get him back. It seems like he replaced me with that short guy I saw a few days ago. I turned and looked at the empty space, it hurt knowing that I couldn't just call him and tell him to get his ass over here. I picked up my phone and read through our last conversation before I saw him kissing Yeri. We were talking about some funny T.V show we both liked. He was actually happy then, not scared of everything and everyone. 

That day I saw Yeri kick his stuff and him scramble to collect it broke my heart, I just wanted to pick him up and hug him tightly. I missed his tight hugs, the smell of his cologne, our meaningless talks that we used to have, sharing food,etc. We used to be best friends, now we weren't even acquaintances. He wouldn't even look at me passing through the halls. I scanned through the memories of that day. I tried to remember his face, his eyes were sad and had tears. I felt bad that I hit him, but hey that's my girlfriend. 

When they were kissing, he wasn't kissing back. He looked terrified and sad at the same time. A single tear was running down his cheek. I sat up quickly. He didn't want to kiss her, she kissed him and he couldn't get away.  I quickly picked up my phone and called Kookie. It went straight to voicemail. I groaned and plopped back onto the bed. Kookie, I miss you. Please come back to me. I need you, wait what?  I sat up. Now that I couldn't have Kookie in my life, I wanted him more than ever. I craved his presence to be near me. I frowned. What am I feeling now?  I stood and paced around my room, I paced for hour until it finally hit me. It was so obvious, I loved Kookie.