Vampire Dreamer

Chapter 31

"I'm sorry it's just.." His hand went over his eyes for a split second."Don't worry about it, jeez why are you so uptight all the sudden?" His head rose up to meet my eyes."Do you want me to show how serious I am right now? This will change your life forever and I'm just not sure if you mean it.""You think I'm lying? Of all people you should understand what I went through, the thoughts, the nightmares, the anxiety, I found a way to get a hold of myself. I didn't know what I was going to become in the end.""I was just proving to you how serious I am about this since I seemed to be messing around earlier. Regret over this decision can't exist, it'd be better for the both of us if you think seriously. Do you want to become a monster like me?" Hearing him say better for the both of us what does he mean I have thought long and hard over this decision I have said things I never thought I would say. I'm expressing things I have never felt. How can I control any of these feelings I just can put them into words, thinking over and over, any longer and I will be consumed by irrational thoughts... suicide... depression... self-harm. Everything flashed in front of me like a painting. The first picture was a girl alone in a dark room the moon was shining bright just barely peaking around the window. My old dorm room so nostalgic the black curtains hanging down next to my bedside dresser. The girl in this room must have been me my eyes focused on here, soon I noticed in the picture I was wearing the necklace that my mother left me so long ago. Back then there was no vampires I was hanging out with, no werewolves appearing out of nowhere. Ever since I received that necklace it has just reminded me of my mother and what she would have done in this situation. Would she have accepted Mr. M's offer? The picture changed now I was looking at a girl in a sweater shirt and jeans next to a boy with messy hair. Only short moments could pass before I noticed that the girl was wearing the same necklace the golden chain with the blood red emerald in the center. This picture was all the way back when Ray and I sat next to each other on the train towards my new school. The next painting as soon as I saw it made me cringe, I was covered in blood... Ray just opened the train door and saw me. Just looking at his face I could see the horror... the fear... the worry... the anxiety. I should have died then and there none of this would be happening. Trying to prepare myself for whatever would be the next picture I attempted calming myself down with a deep inhale and then releasing a low, heavy exhale. Paintings are starting to become one of the things I hate. All I could see was Ray looking at me gently. The painting stonewashed out of my vision now I was in what seemed to be reality."Alice." His voice was like a sincere summer breeze after an emotionless winter. "Alice are you okay?" I finally came to and I was lying flat against the floor."What happened?" All I can remember is being with Ray, than looking at all those paintings, now I'm on the floor?"Um." He turned his face away it was red and disappointed. Ray was knelling next to me. "We were just talking and you passed out so I laid you out on the floor so you could get more room." He still adverted his eyes from me, each glance I tried to give him he evaded. "How long was I out?" I asked wearily."Not long only about ten minutes." I moved my hand and put it on top of Ray's. Suddenly I remembered the decision I made minutes ago.