Peter's Lily (Sequel to Pan's Tiger)

Chapter 39: Falling Faster

Hey,
Thanks for reading.
I know this has been a really, really long wait and I'm very sorry for that, but I promise I'll update on Christmas Day (25th December)
Thank you so much to everyone who has voted recently and to everyone's lovely comments, you have no idea how much this means to me!
Please vote and comment.
Enjoy,
Annabelle_the_reader
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew that I was selfish. I was hurtful. I thought that I tortured all of the people I loved and all of the people who were foolish enough to love me back.

I was like Cathy, like in Wuthering Heights, only my options weren't as difficult as Cathy's, neither hurtful, neither weak. And on the grass I sat, crying about it and not doing anything productive or at all useful to make it right, just like Cathy did.

Despair gripped me; there was no way to bargain with fate, nothing I felt like I could do but this. I pushed the terror back as far as I could. My decision was made and there was nothing anybody could say to make me change it, even Peter Pan who I was sure would be biased against killing myself, no matter what he did to me. Fear gripped my shoulders, hanging onto me like a parasite.

My heart skipped a beat, my body refused to die the way I entered Neverland: poisoned Dreamshade, and was eternally cursed never to leave. No, I was far too strong for that. And I wouldn't be taken by a mountain lion or mermaids; I wanted Pan to know that everything I did was on purpose. Therefore, I raced towards the cliff edge and pelted up the uneven slope, stumbling and tripping as I went.

Once I had reached the top, my feet trembled as I ambled to the edge. Eventually, I reached the edge of the cliff and could look out across the ocean. My gaze didn't linger for long, as I was too intrigued by the sea raging below me. The sea never changed. Neverland hadn't changed, but now Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were in it. A place could never be perfect if there are bad people in it.

I gently peeled my eyes open. As the sun's presence shied away, the landscape became clear and appeared to be a tapestry of ocean, sky and beaches. The vast ocean glowed an azure blue, each stroke a different shade of natural, beautiful blue. Above the twinkling ocean, the sky was bright, the blinding sun shooting sparkles off of the endless blue sea underneath. It was perfect, nothing could ruin it, not even mermaids, except me. Outside human activity, much like Peter's arrival in Neverland, ruins a habitat and disturbs everything.

I inhaled sharply and I stepped forwards.

I began to climb down the cliff, wanting to swim out into the ocean until my body could swim no more. I didn't want to die in Neverland, where Peter would find me and the Shadow would remember me. I wanted to die properly, pulling out the my life by the routes, not just hacking at it with an axe.

But, just as I had taken two steps down, my feet slipped. I lost all grip on both of my feet, scrambling around the edges. I only just managed to find a hold, but barely.

My finger nails grip the edge of the cliff, all instincts of my body outweighing my conscience that death was the only answer. They gripped the edge so tightly, my knuckles turning white and my fingers were dark red, almost purple. My grip wouldn't last long.

I wouldn't last long.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Better not to look. Better to pretend that none of this exists. I breathed in through my nose and out of my mouth, counting my breaths to calm myself down. I screamed through my clenched teeth as I fought to keep my grip. My fingers lost my balance, my feet scraping the edges of the cliff, trying to find something to hold onto.

But before my mind even adjusted to the unbalance I now had, I lost the comfort of the solid ground beneath my heels and my fingers fell.

Like a falling knife, my body tumbled down faster than the speed of light, so it seemed, and my dress billowed out behind me like a pillow that surrounded me. I felt a current of air was surrounding me, wrapping me up in its suffocating rags if preparing me for burial.