Peter's Lily (Sequel to Pan's Tiger)

Chapter 45: Déjà vu

Hey,
Thanks for reading. I'm so excited to be on 5k reads for Peter's Lily! Thank you so much everyone! As the last couple of chapters have been not great, I thought I'd quicken the pace. Please tell me whether this is good or not 😀
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Enjoy,
Annabelle_the_reader
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I wondered whether when I died, Peter would still send me with roses and a last whisper of how much he loved me. I wondered whether, when I died, it would be cold enough as it was today to see my dying breath, so, when I said "I love you", he could physically see it too.

'I love you...' He said into my hair, speaking softly and carefully, then forcefully as he continued harshly, 'And it is for that reason I must do everything I can to protect you and help you, even if you don't like it.'

'What do you mean?' I asked, realising the ominous, sadistic tone to his words. I retracted away from him, pulling myself away from his tempting touch. I wouldn't let him distract me. I was stronger now. 'What are you protecting me from?'

'From me, Tiger.'

'I don't understand,' I mumbled sheepishly, pulling myself further away from him in fear. 'Why are you protecting me from yourself?'

'Because if I don't stop you, then you're going to do something very, very stupid. You might help Henry and his family again and if you do, I might not be able to control myself. If you betray me, I will punish you and I could even kill you.' He replied sternly, as if telling off a small child.

'Peter..?' I said, my voice questioning and unsure, 'You're not making any sense. It is you that is going to hurt me and that loves me. It is all you. You can't treat this behaviour as if it is something out of your control.'

'I hate what I've become, so I have to turn against you and hurt you, to save you from myself. I have to make you suffer now, remove anything I might hurt you with, to keep you safe.' He licked his lips and paused to look at me.

If only I had understood what he meant by making me suffer and removing anything that he could use to hurt me with. But at the time, I didn't. I was too engrossed in my love for him and my faith in him to ponder these words.

'Peter-' I began, but he interrupted me.

'Do you not remember what I told you when you had to return to Neverland, a place of magic?' He demanded harshly, his cruel words and rough tone beginning to frighten me.

'...Trust no one, not even yourself...' I whispered, chocking on my own words.

'Yes...?'

After a short pause, when I contemplated these words, I continued, 'You don't trust me! You think that I might betray you and help Henry's family.'

'Your family, Tiger Lily,' Pan reminded me with frustration, 'Why should I trust you not to betray me when you would merely be siding with your son and your grandson to save your great-grandson? Why would that be logical? Besides, I know that you were seeing them in private and that the kidnapping was a distraction as they saved Neal. I know that kissing me was a distraction from taking the Shadow. Why would you not do that again?'

'But I love you!' I exclaimed, grabbing his hands and holding them. 'Why can't you trust someone who loves you and therefore would never side with anyone that wanted to hurt you, let alone kill you?'

'Because you should always beware of a friend or lover more than an enemy, for a double crossing lover or friend knows so much more evil, Tiger.' Pan said emotionlessly, as if he was stating something obvious with no relation to him.