Unexpected healing

Traumatised 16

Felicy

I was undergoing a change, but I could not understand what was causing me to feel this way. It came as a surprise when Nanny suggested I might be pregnant. But then it all started to make sense and the obvious signs occurred gradually.

I was delighted, I liked the idea of Severus and I having a child together, a small human that was partly Severus and partly me. But I was a bit worried too, I somehow had the feeling that Severus was not pleased, whenever I mentioned the fact.

One day I ask him: " Severus," I said, " I have been to see Poppy and she has confirmed now that I am positively pregnant. " He did not say anything. " Is this not something you want," I asked him and I could hear the concern in my own voice, "Imagine, a small human partly you and partly me." He turned to me and gave me a long hug, but this hug was different, somewhat sad. 

"It is not that," he said," I actually do like the idea." Absent minded he stroked my stomach.

The sun was setting, but the air was still warm. I was glad that the warmth was returning. Severus looked at me and again there was definitive sadness in his face. "What is the matter then," I asked him. 

" All is well," he said and his tone of voice indicated, that he did not want to speak about this any further and although I felt very strongly, that not all was well, there was nothing I could do about that now.

As the days passed on, Severus got quieter and quieter. Upon inquiry, whether anything was the matter, he would answer with, everything was well. Eventually, he got to the point, when he would snatch at me, should I dare to ask, if he was well.

" Stop making me out to be a lunatic," he would say, or "Why does always something have to be wrong with me," Eventually I stopped asking, although I was certain he was not well. A distance began to grow between us and eventually he even declined to go for our usual walks, with the excuse, that he had far too much to do.

I was now three months pregnant and was wondering how I, or we, could tell the school that we were going to have a baby. I would have felt much more confident about doing so if I knew Severus was by my side, but at this present moment of time, I felt I was standing on my own.

One morning when I woke up he had not left yet, as he had done in the weeks prior. " Good morning," I said hopefully but he ignored me. He was sorting through papers as far as I could make out. I realized these were the papers that had fallen off his desk the night before, it had been late and I had been so tired that I decided to order them the next morning. Little could I have known that he would need them the next morning already.

After a while, he glared at me, clearly frustrated. " You know since you moved in here, nothing is as it should be and where it should be," he accused me. I felt like crying, he was right in some ways, as it was definitive more untidy than it had been before I moved in, due to the fact likely, that I was not as organized as he was. But he was unfair in a way, for those papers had fallen off his desk and it had nothing to do with me.

He must have seen how upset I was and his facial expression changed. He looked as if he wanted to cry too, as a matter of fact. But before I could be entirely sure he left and I was on my own again.

It was Saturday and I was very glad about the fact, if I had to teach now I would have found it very difficult. I decided to take a walk to Hogsmeat, maybe meet Susan in the 'Singing Lady'. A small cafe, I knew Susan would be spending her time there today, she liked sitting there for hours drinking tea and reading a good book. It was after all much quieter there than at Hogwarts.

I could have taken a carriage, but I felt like walking. It was a warm day, the sun shone and spring had brought beauty back to nature. Daffodils were blooming wherever I looked. Nature was so magnificent and it made my heart ache and rejoice at the same time.