Last Chance Avenue [Ed Sheeran]

She Used to Be

Because of the Statute of Limitations, it was much too late to have Ruby and Hazel and charged with anything having to do with Brooke's poisoning. They did, however, have a hefty haul of stolen clothing and jewelry from the shopping mall, and cocaine that they carried around as if it were a Epi-pen. It didn't matter what Brooke had ever done to make them hate her so much, because they would always be falling behind anyhow. Life was getting the best of them.

I had the pleasure of being about to witness them being arrested and seeing the shock on their faces when they saw that I was with the cops as they picked them up for a shop lifting case that finally came to light. At the police station, Detective Brown said that before he said anything to them, they were denying being involved with Brooke that night she went to the hospital, although several months ago they were saying that there were in fact there, but had no clue what was wrong with me.

It still seemed wrong, pretending to be Brooke, especially when I was living out parts of her life that belongs solely to her. Jamal still wondered what was wrong with me and why I listened to shitty music and decided to play the guitar instead of getting my ass kicked at basketball with him. People whom I use to talk to wondered why I treated them like strangers when they invited me to have lunch with them. It was very hard to fit in, but there was always one place where I knew I belonged.

I showed up at the diner and asked my mom for a job application. She looked as if she had been run through the wringer, her eyes dark and sunken in. The diner was busier than I had ever seen it, and I was worried for a second people were coming to pay respect to the dead girl whom they use to boss about and spill things on. Then I realized for the first time in years that people are still coming to the diner because they actually like the food.

"You're Ed's new girlfriend, right?" My mom asked, eyeing me on an unfriendly manner. She passed me the thick paper application.

"Um, yeah." I say awkwardly.

"Why do you want to work here?"

"Is this the interview?"

"No, answer the question."

I felt awkward having to talk about myself--my real self in the third person. "Danny was a really good friend to me. And I feel like I owe her."

"Really?" She said, her eyes never once moving from me. "Is that why you're dating her boyfriend?"

"Danny and Ed never dated."

"But Danny loved Ed." I looked down and chewed my lip. Even my mom knew. I didn't know how Ed had no idea this whole time. "Danny." I looked up at my mom and found her eyes wide with surprise and shock. "What are you doing?"

"Just trying to tell Ed that I love him." I replied. Her eyes were watering and she chuckled.

"All of that for a boy?" She smiled. I nodded weakly. "I'm sorry that I never paid more attention to you. I was just so busy and I was just so sure I would have you around a lot longer. I was busy with Lola and it clearly wasn't the place to be--"

"Mom, please." I said, holding my hand up. "I hardly thought about it, okay? I'm over it. I obviously am too fortunate to be holding grudges against anyone."

My mom nodded. "Well, fill this out, and you got your job back. Did you want your old name tag or...?"

"I'm Brooke now." I say, shaking my head. "At least on the outside."

My mom stood around for a minute while I filled out the application. "Is heaven real?"

I looked at her, my eyes widened. "Yeah. I thinks so. I didn't go. But I think so."

My mom smiled.

~

Ed showed up at the diner without having me call him. He stood in front for a long time, his hands jammed in his pockets. My mom went outside to ask him why he was stalking around like a creep freaking people out. After a minute, she pointed to me through the glass window and he shrugged and came inside.

He sat down at the counter and my mom went to get him some food, probably mozzarella sticks, which were his favorite. "Hey," I said, standing in front of him while I had a spare minute.

"Hey," he said, not meeting my gaze.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't help but notice how spaced out he looked. I knew he was reminiscing, and there wasn't anything I could do about that. He shrugged and smiled as my mom came back with his food. She stood, looking at the two of us for a moment before walking away quickly.

"You been working here a while?" He asked me. I looked down at my stained yellow apron and shook my head.

"Just started."

"Why'd they give you Danny's apron?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"Shouldn't they hang it up or something?"

"Ed, it doesn't matter."

"How could you say that?"

"Because she wouldn't care, Ed. She wouldn't care! You're overreacting." I clenched my hand into a fist. Ed reached into his wallet and pulled out a five dollar bill, then passed it over to pay for the food. I shook my head.

"It's just that nobody knew her the way I did." He said quietly. "Maybe she would want them to hang up her apron. She was so quiet and didn't say much about anything it was hard to remember her sometimes."

I looked down. I didn't feel like putting up with his sadness. It was too hard to deal with at this moment. "They put up her sign. Telling people not to drink and drive."

His eyes watered and he stood up and left. A single tear fell from my eye onto a napkin rest behind the counter next to a cup of pens. I had to tell him. Soon.