The Headturner

The Attempt

Chapter Thirty-Nine  - The Attempt

"I got your reports." The doctor said with a grim expression that made Anne's heart beat faster. She knew whatever he was going to say next, was not going to be good. She nodded weakly, motioning him to continue.

He cleared his throat before he dropped the bomb on her.

"It seems that due to lack of estrogen in your system, you are facing an early onset of amenorrhea. "

"It means lack of menstruation." He was still speaking but Anne could barely hear him anymore. She was baffled.

"What does it mean?" She finally found the voice to ask the question she had been meaning to.

Dr. Stevens sighed, "It means that your body is not producing the eggs needed to make a baby. It is rare but your eating disorder has resulted in infertility. Basically, your body is trying to protect itself by not letting you have your period. You may try artificial methods but even your uterus is too weak to be hospitable. So, you can adopt or try surrogacy... Anne?"

Anne nodded and tried to smile to let the doctor know she was fine. But she was not fine. She was far from fine. While she never thought about being a mother, she wanted there to be a possibility of that happening. She wanted a future with Adam, a family. She knew Adam would support her no matter what, but could she ask him to give up on hopes of having a family of their own?

"I'm sorry." Dr. Stevens said as Anne left hurriedly to spare him from seeing her tears.

She felt stupid and guilty. It was her fault that there will not be a family for them. Surely they could adopt, but Adam would want his own. What if he decided to go down the surrogacy route? Could she handle it when someone else would be bearing the baby that she should but couldn't? The answer was, she couldn't. She couldn't handle anything anymore. This was the limit to her resilience. She would end this pain once and for all, for herself and for others.

She texted Adam that she had an early meeting and it would probably last the entire day. She would call him whenever she could. That would cover her friends as well.

Then she emailed David that she was feeling under the weather and would not be able to show up for work.

She knew her mother must have left early for work. Her house was eerily silent as she stepped inside.

"Am I really going to do this?" She asked herself and she remembered her mother, Adam and her friends. What would David say now? He thought she was patient and resilient. What would he think of her now? That she was weak? That he invested his money in the wrong person?

"I am not going to chicken out now." She shut the voices of reason and got the sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet and took them one by one as she apologized to everyone.

She closed the curtains but left her doors and windows unlocked to let her dead body accessible. She didn't want to trouble anybody anymore than necessary.

Her bedside clock indicated it was 8:00 a.m. That gave her plenty of time before her body would be discovered.

She pulled up the covers and cried into her pillow as drowsiness slowly pulled her into oblivion.

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Adam was feeling as if Anne was keeping distance from her. It did not feel normal. She would never avoid him like this.