Opposites

3.1

It had been ten minutes since I had left Justin's house. I couldn't sleep for the couple hours I could have. My hands stayed stuck to the steering wheel. I hadn't even put the keys in the ignition. My eyes were watery, and thoughts of Justin and I swarmed around inside my head. I sniffled and chills were sent down my spine contrary to the humidity of the environment around me. I wasn't shaking. I was eerily still.

Why does it matter so damn much?

It mattered so much to me, maybe because I hadn't ever really felt 'loved' by anyone else. I had my grandma, Jake and Mary, and Anne, maybe. There is just so much in my past that made me feel like I was never loved. There were memories of things I had done that made me feel unloveable. I wanted to believe Justin hadn't meant it. That way, it would be easier. I had defined myself by everything I had been, or everything anyone else had made me out to be.

Stop.

I ceased my thinking and put the keys into the ignition.

***

"You're quiet today. Long night?" Anne's voice broke through my daydreaming.

"Huh? Oh, yeah." I rubbed the bridge of my nose as I piled someone's order onto a tray to carry over to them. Anne followed closely.

"Were you with Justin?" Anne practically startled me with her question.

"What? Why?"

"Because when are you two not together?" Anne scoffed.

"Yeah, all right." I smirked.

"I'm worried about you." I spun around to face Anne with a perplexed look. She looked down at the pale, tile flooring as she pulled her ponytail tighter.

"What?" Anne walked ahead of me and motioned for me to follow her into the girl's bathroom.

I pushed the door open and walked over to the edge of the sink to lean against it.

"I don't want you to be with Justin. I think it's a bad idea."

Her words felt like a punch in the gut. "Excuse me?"

"For the past year, I've watched you be in terrible relationships, lead guys on, and have pointless hook ups. Justin doesn't deserve that. I've known Justin for a little longer, and he's the sweetest guy. He can be a pretentious asshole sometimes, but he wouldn't ever hurt you. If you got together, I think you would just break his heart. Maybe you need to take some time to yourself or just even forget about him? If it's for the best..." She stayed calm as she held eye contact with me. I could feel the tears ,threatening to spill out, getting hot in the corners of my eyes.

"I have to go." I closed my eyes as if to hold the tears back. Why did it bother me so much? It's not like I was in love with him. Anne was right. I should've stayed away.

I could hear Anne calling out after me as I walked out of the diner. Mary had the car, so I had to walk the few blocks back to my house. After the twenty minute walk, I busted through the door and headed straight to the bathroom upstairs. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. I looked into the mirror to find reddened eyes staring back at me. I sank down to the bathroom floor and held my knees tight to my chest.

She's wrong. She's wrong because this time it's different.

I quickly dug my phone out of my purse and shakily opened my messages.

Come over :(, I typed out in a new message to Justin.

Be there soon, he almost immediately replied.