Love, Life and Uncertainities

chapter1

Sitting by the window I shivered as wind stroked me with a force, it was a late October evening, I whiffed in the smell in the air that signaled arrival of winters here in my city. I knew that weather was changing and it would bring cold nights. What I didn't know back then was that human life and fate too have different seasons. They too can undergo weather change bringing severe cold nights, devoid of any kind of human warmth!...nights, when blood turns into ice as much as the body and everything else surrounding it, then the only thing breathing is soul but its fire is bound to extinguish bit by bit...how could i know what life kept in store? I was only an innocent 15 year old girl who was waiting eagerly for some dear one to reach home, restart from where he left their story and make everything perfect.
I kept pacing around restlessly that evening, for about an hour, then went upstairs in my room to recheck how I looked. I lived with my dad, who was always busy, and my third step mom. Yes, third step mom!, first two he had divorced a year or two after marriage. My real mom passed away when I was four. I belonged to a mediocre background, financially. So dad was never around, always gone, working hard or God knows what!
This third step mom never bothered to know about me, she remained non-existent, unless she had to torture me or gain something out of it. Typical ? yes, very much. I could have gone nuts if my grandpa was not there, he was not like my dad, he actually cared for me and visited me often.
That evening grandpa was also waiting with me for him to arrive soon. Yes, he was grandpa's favorite too, his "buddy" as he called him. I was wearing a baby pink t-shirt with blue jeans and pink pumps, I was a girl in love with pink. My brown hair reached my shoulders and I  decided to leave them untied that evening. I looked at my petite frame in the mirror, a lean, small girl standing at the height of 5 foot and an inch above. I applied some lip gloss and mascara too for the first time in my life. I SO WANTED TO LOOK GIRLY. I wanted him to notice me now as a grown up woman! So I had done all I could come up with. When I descended down the stairs grandpa greeted me
" wao! My daughter is looking like a big girl today". I felt so good and smiled like I had accomplished something "granpa I am not looking like only, I AM a big girl now, a beautiful girl" I winked at him and he laughed with amusement. I sat down beside him on the sofa and remembered the first time he had come my home with grandpa...

Grandpa: "Saraah, Sarah, sarooo, where are you ? come here and see you have a new friend to meet"
I had come running across the garden on the mention of "new friend"
Me: " eeee yippiiee!! Granpa granpa where is my new friend ?"
Grandpa: "see he is sami, he will play with you" he pointed out a boy standing beside him.
I had formed an" O" with my lips and knitted my brows with confusion.
Me: " but he is...he is taller than me...uh  he ...he isn't a girl either, he wont play with my dolls and he looks scary"
Grandpa chuckled: " he is taller because he drinks milk and you don't..." I was frowning now, as he continued "...and plus he is 11 years old big boy and you are six years old small baby girl and he is just quite, not scary" he laughed pinching my cheeks.
I nagged in response: " see this is why he wont befriend me or talk to me...hah, he wont play with me" .Before grandpa could open his mouth to reply, I heard an unfamiliar voice intervening.

"I know how to talk..."

I tilted my head to the side and noticed it was this new boy, Sami...? speaking ? When I looked at his face he continued.

Sami: "umm...i am taller than you, but I can make you my friend and show you some games I play, eh ?"
Me: " uh...you know games ?" my face had glowed with happiness, "you would show me ? You will be my friend ? Sam...sam...ii ??" I had stuttered while calling his name.
He chuckled in response and nodded: " yeah...ha...ha that's my name, but you can call me Sam, that is cool too..."
He was grinning now unlike before. I had thought he was incapable of speaking, let alone smiling. I really liked how the word "cool" fell out of his mouth. It was new to my ears.
After that i had followed Sam running to the garden where i was playing before and grandpa had gone inside. Sam was grandpa's friend's son and they had recently moved to our city with family.
I was a lonely, friendless, small girl and Sam was a 'new friend' or more like an interesting riddle to me. I followed him, his moves and words when we played together. He had big toy guns, "cool cars" and a dog he played with. He never played with a doll with me, but it was fine with me. As long as he was there, my only friend he was or perhaps he had no other peeps to play with back then...
It was a routine for him to come to our home in summer noons. His family and mine accompanied each other in living room, while we played in the garden beneath the tall and dense mango tree. It was most shadowy corner of the garden. Our common spot. Memories of that garden are deep engraved in my brain...it was always so calm at noon, rabbits skipping around, squirrels climbing trees...leaves scattered all around. I loved the sound of them crushing as we ran around. Sam would make small "awesome hills" with mud and rocks digging the roots of mango tree and say "look saroo what i have made, my cars will race on these hills..." i would look towards him with amazement and he would offer a gentle welcoming smile and say
" but you can drive your cars on my hills too"...he would often make such exceptions for me...
He would bring along his dog which i was scared of in the beginning, but he showed me how adorable it could be. He would show me how to feed him and caress him.
Everything that Sam did was adventurous for me...this all had become a routine for me, months changed into years without me realizing it. He was my friend, my guide, a model whose foot steps i looked for. Four years had passed in an eye blink. Now he was 15 and i was 10. And then that day arrived when he had to leave, his family was moving back to their hometown.

Sam: "Saroo, come here, dun be sad... i am going but i will come back to meet you..."
I had begun to weep listening it, so he cooed me to calm down.
Sam: " awww, dun weep, you will always be my cute little friend, now wipe off your nosey... its running". I had paused and looked up to him with my wet eyes and tried to control the hiccup like sounds coming out of my mouth. I was a weeping mess by now. He chuckled and yanked out a tissue from his pocket "here, take this...u need it".
Now i was dabbing the tissue against my nose and cheeks repeatedly, desperately trying to get rid of it all.
Sam sighed: "haah, i dunno when i would come back, but i would...i surely would". Sam stepped forward and gave me a mild hug and i wrapped my arms around him, to where they could reach...

"Sami, Sami, where are you? We are leaving, come to car porch this instant we are leaving...Now!"

This was his dad calling him to leave...he had to leave... so he left and i kept watching him go!

"Sarah, I guess Sami has reached...where are you lost ?".

This was the voice of granpa and a car honking at the house gate that had brought me out of the gone days. It was present. At the gate. Sam had arrived!!. As the realization sank in, i began to move haphazardly. I was breathless. It was all rushing in. I was attacked by a lot of feelings, a lot of questions all of a sudden. Excitement, curiosity, anxiety ?... 'how would it all go ? how would he look like now ?' Not that i didn't know how he looked, i had seen his pictures on Facebook. No. I am no stalker, though its all right to stalk your crush once in a while. We were friends on fb, but...but i had not met him for almost five years now. How he would look in person...? A lot had changed, i mean a lottt, i didn't know when that friendly attachment had turned into something more for me...

But there was no time to ponder on anything now. He was on my door step. I jerked up from the sofa, standing straight and fixing my shirt and hair. My throat was turning dry as i heard the footsteps approaching. My heart was beating so fast, it could come out through my mouth any moment.
Granpa came in through the front door of living room and there was someone along him... Sam ?... Oh miee Gawdd, i never realized he was this tall ? i mean it wasn't my fault totally, pictures can't give away that much. He was about 6 foot or above i guess ?. Suddenly i felt so small. I felt like i couldn't utter a single word. Like my vocal cords were blocked by dryness and no sound would form even if i tried. He had sharp features, pointed nose, clean shaved face. He looked intimidating. I was still immersed in my mental war when granpa spoke:

"Wont you say hello to Sam ? welcome him ? "

I snapped out of my trance. Blinked.
Me: "uh...hi, i mean hello welcome back Sa...sam,mm"

"Ah, haha, finally you saw me standing here kido"

Sam...he sounded so different, he had grim, dense voice, almost unfamiliar. Like i had never met him before. Like i never knew him. I knitted my eye brows together, as his words sank in my brain completely. He had called me kido...

Something fell in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh Sam, how bad of you Mr. Careless, you almost forgot me out there on the gate"

A very tall and gorgeous lady entered living room and cat walked to Sam. She smacked his arm and he winced faking being hurt.

"Eewww, you woman, calm down, you had eyes to follow me here, didn't you ? ".He winked and she smacked him once again. He just laughed in response.

They looked so comfortable together, as if knew each other for ages. Her long, midnight black hair reached down her waist like waterfall. Dot less, glowing skin. Hour glass physique.

It felt like i had disappeared, evaporated. As if i was not even standing there...
So it wasn't me only who called him by that nick of his...

Sam... she had called him Sam...

And he had called me kido ?

kido...

Kido...kido...

Suddenly i knew what had fallen in the pit of my stomach.

Heart...my heart!