I was zipping up my last suitcase to leave next morning, when granpa stepped into my room. He sat on the chair beside my bed silently. I kept my head low rechecking my bags for anything left. For good ten minutes there was complete silence in the room, just the sound of bags being zipped up ringing in the ears. I didn't dare to look at the face of granpa and waited for him to speak. I knew he had to say something, preparing myself for a lecture I was not at all expecting what he really said.
"Saroo, don't listen to them"
I snapped my eyes wide open to him and he just nodded with a mild smile "you heard me right Saroo, don't let them tell you what to do, its your choice what you want to take, maths or literature"
"Uh, but you didn't tell me before, not even when they were there, I…I thought you agreed with them"
Granpa's smile only got wider, "silence doesn't always mean that you agree, sometimes you are waiting for the right time to speak… I wanted to tell you this here for I want you to remember what I say now"
I furrowed my eye brows with confusion, not really getting where his words were heading to.
Granpa's face grew serious and he continued after inhaling deeply,
"life is uncertain, it always has been and it always will be. You lost your mother, and I lost my daughter" he smiled, his eyes revisiting some memory, "she was never just a daughter in law, she was a real one and so are you, very much like your mother" he looked at me with eyes full of a familiar affection, then looked towards the night sky through the window, like reminding something else, "aah…when your mother died, I lost my son too, he grew distant and aloof…hiding himself behind a tough exterior, he never was same again… but you know when you were younger, he used to play with you"
"Did he? really? " I asked because i could hardly remember anything. Some dull hope pricking my chest so I chewed insides of my cheek.
"He did"
Some kind of silence had again lurked back into the room. I began looking towards the ceiling, but i knew granpa was yet not finished.
"Sarah"
"I'm listening"
"Sarah, You have always been more my daughter than his and you always will be and I want you to know this. Never turn cold, it turns you lifeless, though it will be hard sometimes but keep a little room for hope and love in your heart,…some room for second chances"
Now I was completely done with packing so I sat cross legged on my bed, in front of granpa and just kept listening, not wanting to interrupt him.
"Life has many phases, and may be we are done here, but It never means its all over, there will be new days coming. Never start a new journey with old shoes. We are all, kind of going apart. Tomorrow morning you will be gone. Wherever life takes you from here, remember my words, live it all with your heart. Yes, world will often say otherwise. We may build castles with our mind, but in the? end if it is not what our heart wants then it is not worth it. Whatever you do, put your heart in it and love what you do. When your heart and mind are together in something, you make wonders." He paused for a while, which signaled that he was going to shift the conversation towards something else.
"And…about Sami…"
"Granpa I don't want to talk about it" I averted my gaze to the wall clock in attempt to avoid the subject. I opened my mouth but before i could say something, granpa continued.
"Stop underestimating yourself, hating and blaming yourself for everything." I shook my head, but granpa just ignored my protesting eyes.
"I know you do that a lot. Bashing and comparing yourself to others doesn't help anything. All that you go through is part of growing up. Its nothing to be ashamed of, as they make you feel" By now i was digging nails in my palms, clenching hard, watching design of the tiles with strange new found interest.
"May be he was not the one, though we don't know that yet… But one thing I know, what is best for you, will come to you, just keep your eyes open. Look at me, you have got nothing to be embarrassed of. What happens is not always our fault and we cannot control what happens. I want you to stop doing that. Promise me to remember it! I am repeating it because I don't know who will tell you this when I will be gone from world"
"Granpaaa", i sighed and said in a drawling voice. Tears reached to the brim of my eyes. I moved forward and put my head on his knees. I tilted my head up and spoke.
"Granpa, i don't miss dad, you know why ? because you've always been the dad he never was. You are all I have left. Please don't say you will leave too." I couldn't take it more so tears broke from my eyes and travelled down my cheeks.
Now he was running fingers through my hair, his eyes were thoughtful as if seeing the future.
"
"Our tenure in this world is short lived. Make the most of it. You are going to a good place. Make a lot of friends there. Work hard but live it all. Don't rush it to the success. Enjoy the journey"
"Granpa, I am going to miss you a lot, God what I will do without you". My voice came out as a weak whisper.
"I will miss you too my child. And you are going to be fine. Without me. Without all of us. Life has a way of working itself out. So it will." The confidence in his voice was assuring something, though I couldn't see it then, but it was enough for the moment.
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A/N
Yes, I updated after a long, going through some rough patch right now, but whatever, there will be regular updates from here onwards :p
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