Chapter 17 - Pretentions

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I JUST PRETENDED for Kath, because i wanted to see her happy before she leaves. I wanted to make her smile. Yung idea nya ng Operation MisSHU, naging ako na yung nagmo-move. Ginawa ko lahat ng maisip ko na pwede kong gawin, pati pagpapanggap na masaya ako.

But no.

"Mabilis lang yung 2 months di ba?"

"Before we know it, you're back."

Damn, did i really say those?

Alam ko naman na gusto ni Kath pumunta sa Singapore, and when i said 'no', i saw she was hesitant. I could not sleep for two nights before i finally decided to allow her to leave. Kaya yata ako nagkasakit nun eh, pagod plus puyat. Then nung sinabi ko sa kanya na payag na kong tumuloy sya sa training, she looked really happy. What could i do? WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY? Wala na. Gusto nya yun.

Kaya kahit ayaw ko, kunyari okay lang.

Kahit alam kong mami-miss ko sya ng sobra pag umalis sya, kunyari okay lang.

Kahit ramdam ko na hindi madali yung magkahiwalay kami ng 2 months, kunyari okay lang.

And heck, i really couldn't take that she would be with THAT GUY, that i don't even wanna mention the name, in Singapore!

IT'S NOT OKAY, okay?!

But i couldn't do anything anymore. Hinayaan ko na syang umalis. I was left thinking and worrying about her. Nung hinatid ko sya sa airport, umagang-umaga, ang bigat na agad ng pakiramdam ko.

"Take care, Shu. Wag ka masyadong magpapa-stress, kahit para jan sa concert mo, baka magkasakit ka nanaman. Walang mag aalaga sayo..." Last few words that my Kay said to me.

We stayed inside my car, sa parking lot ng NAIA. Ayaw nya kasing magpahatid sa mismong departure area. Baka hindi daw kami makapag-usap kasi baka may mga lumapit sa kin, tapos baka umiyak pa daw sya sa harap ng maraming tao. So dun na lang kami sa loob ng Hi-ace, at hindi ko sya pinaalis until the last possible time na aabot pa naman sya sa boarding gate cut-off.

She was hugging me tight while giving all her reminders and sweet nothings. I let her rest on my chest so she could not see my face. Ayoko din mAsyadong titigan yung mukha nya, baka hindi na sya makaalis. Baka mag change yung mind ko on the last minute.

"Uy, bakit hindi ka nag sasalita?" Parang nagtatampo na sya kasi hindi ako sumagot.

"Wala, wala.. Nakikinig lang talaga ako sayo."

"Mami-miss talaga kita.. Feeling ko ang OA ko na. Para akong OFW na 2 years mawawala."

If only she knew... The thought of 2 months for me was like years indeed. Hindi ko nga ma-imagine kung pano ko sya nagawang iwasan ng 1 week nung na-realize kong crush nya yung pinsan ni Devon eh.

Yeah, you read it right. Iniwasan ko sya nun. After ng mall show ko, after kong makita kung gaano sya ka-enjoy kausap yung payatot na yun, after kong ma-torpe sa bahay nya. Iniwasan ko sya.

Part of me wanted to re-assess my feelings, baka naman nagselos lang ako kasi for the longest time ako lang yung ka-close nyang lalake. But no, alam ko naman na after i courted Devon and when i got closer with Kath, wala na kong ibang babaeng nakita. Si Kath na lang. I felt overprotective of her, never as a brother but as a man. Hindi ko lang talaga sya naligawan agad kasi yung friendship namin yung delikado.

Another part of me hoped to see that she would miss me and she would realize i'm special to her too. Nasobrahan naman yung pag iwas ko, nagalit na sya. Sobra naman kasi talaga, to the point of deliberately ignoring all her messages and calls. Nagalit talaga sya nun.

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