a glimpse into this brain of mine

scratches

These scratches on my arm that show that maybe I don't cut
Don't cut but I am getting close
I forgot how much it hurts
How tender red arms can get
To hide your world from your pain
Is hard and heavy and dark
I'm trying not to cry
"I'm fine, I swear it just itches" I say with a smile
Only few know of my lie
I've been told over and over
Never cut or burn
No one said anything about scratching or rubbing my skin raw
"Red arms aren't pretty" you said as you held them from my reach
I pulled away and grabbed them back
Desire too hard to fight
Small scabs dot my arms this morning
My arms are hot and pink
I still can't stop
No sweater
No harsh warnings
No illusion of the help
Are able to slow this frenzy of nails
Tearing at my skin
I can't stop
I deserve the pain
I can't show how much I hurt