a glimpse into this brain of mine

deathly alphabet soup

I'm a suicidal teen
Hoping this is all a dream
When I wake I'll be 4
With worries no more
No traumaic past
Nothing as a cause for any pain that will last
I'll start over and it'll be better
Learning the alphabet, letter by letter
A for the afterthoughts and the anorexia
B for the bulimia
C for the cutting
D for depression
E for each time I tried to die, it was 2
F for the feelings of aloneness
G for the great night of death
H for the hope, or lack of any
I for the book, Ice, that brought it all back
J for the justification I gave to the attempts at ending myself
K for the kindness of best friend, who don't, I think, want me to go
L for the loss of my life, something that may still happen
M for the mask of okayness I wore, when I wanted to keep it all in
N for the Nasty thoughts that I had, urging me to die, all alone
O for the opening of hearts as I told my pathetic tale
P for the pills I tried to take
Q for the quiet loud screams for help that were finally heard
R for the resistance of assistance that I have
S for the scratching and tearing at my flesh, hey, I don't cut
T for the tears that are shed constantly, at myself, at support
U for umbrella terms used to describe me, by professionals, and other teens
V for variety of ways I could die
W for worthlessness, I have, no mistake
X for eXamining my scars when they heal
Y for youth who feel the same way
Z for zanna, thats me