Blood Lies

Chapter 16

                 

Josh nudges me, stopping my track of thought and takes my hand to attract my attention. His eyes are full of pity and concern, I try to smile, but I look away. My eyes fill with fresh tears; I hold them back so desperately. I want to open up all my feelings to Josh however I am afraid of breaking down in front of him. I don't want him having to deal with an emotional, erratic girl. His cold hand touches my face; he pulls my chin gently so I face him again. If only I could open up and talk to you, if only you could open up and talk to me. I am officially deeply in love with you...

  Only I know my sorrow, the pain which my heart it failing to endure. Amanda has been a good friend to me; in return my selfishness to keep Josh as mine. It is selfish of me to think I even deserve him. I cannot bare to look at him without thinking how perfect he is how he could have been with Amanda and not me. It is stupid of me to feel so desperate to be with him. Maybe it would be for the best if I was to avoid him and let him be with Amanda. My inner self shakes her head firmly; I know I cannot stay away from Josh... Not now, not ever.

"What troubles you my sweetest?" Joshua speaks with a charming, comforting voice luring me in. I look up at him eyes full of tears which are willing to emerge at any second. He turns sympathetic and slides his arms round my shoulders so he can bring me close to his firm chest. His frim hold comforts me. Never let me go...

"You do deserve me; Amanda doesn't deserve me at all. Do you see the looks she gives me? It would not be right for me to be with her... " He explains stroking my face. I stare at him, every muscle in my body tenses. He knew what I was thinking, I am sure I did not say anything out loud. I feel his muscles tense; he opens his mouth to speak but losses all his speech. I feel my hands tremble; he couldn't have known what I was thinking. It is impossible. I've suddenly noticed that, some of the things I think he simply replies to.

  "H... H... How...?" I don't finish my sentence; he pulls his arm away from my shoulders and stares away at the floor. I look up, trying to think. Amanda catches my eyes; she glares with furious eyes, a warning glance, and then turns back to face the front.

  I wonder how long she has been staring at us, and all this time I notice the teacher has not interfered. He seems too involved in his lecture to worry about anything which was going on with us guys. I touch Josh's arms lightly but he ignores me, he still stares at the floor as if he was embarrassed... or hiding something. I wait impatiently for the bell to go. I need to get out of this class room; it's too hot; the room suddenly seems so crowed, so claustrophobic. I start to feel myself hyperventilating; out of nowhere a cold hand takes my hand. I look up; Josh stares into my eyes with sooty black pupils, after all that time of ignoring me. He strokes my face, gently trying to sooth my pain, my frustration.

  "Shhhh, it's ok. The bell will go in about five seconds exactly," He murmurs into my ear, I start to control my breathing; somehow his charm is the only thing which can keep me calm. I begin to count...ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIV- RING!  Exactly five seconds? I jump startled at the sudden sound. Faces turn and stare, I grab my things quickly. Suddenly Josh takes my face in his wintery hands. I start hyperventilating again. How the hell did he know the bell was going to go in exactly five seconds! This is really too much for my mind to take. I can't deal with this. What is happening to my life? Everything is crumbling around me. Everything in my life is changing.

"Calm... Calm, Nadine... Honey...," He whispers in his silky, smooth, seductive voice. Yet again, I have to concentrate on controlling my breathing; I find it off putting with hearing a few sniggers of my class acquaintances. Why am I so jumpy? I really am being silly...

"Come on, let's get out of here," Josh whispers, taking my arm and guiding me away. I see Amanda glaring at us with more anguish than ever. I can't pull my eyes away from hers as she watches me pass till I eventually I find the strength and I turn my glance to the floor, feeling everyone else in the room watching me. We step out into the courtyard, a refreshing, cool breeze sweeps past us. I take in deep breaths, recalling my performance in class. I made a right fool of myself. Josh slides his arms round my waste, kissing my neck tenderly.