Hey Moon (Ryden)

Chapter 9-Lies and Regrets

(Tiny little trigger warning)
Ryan's POV
Sighing, I drop my head into my hands.

"What's wrong hun are you feeling alright?" Asks my mum in concern. She's sitting across from me at the dinner table. The house is much tidier and more organised now that we've had time to get used to it now, even if it's only been a week and a couple of days.

Keeping my head down I pick up another slice of pizza.
"Yeah mum I'm fine, just tired." I lie. Why am I lying to people now? First Brendon and now mum. I feel horrible about it. I know I shouldn't have lied to him but I had too you know?

Without another word I take the pizza slice and make my way to my bedroom. What if Brendon knows I lied to him? I think. I needed too though. I mean, I was with my mum but just not in town so technically I was only half lying. That doesn't make it okay Ryan!

I should just tell him and why I did it. He'd probably hate me though. I only lied because...well... I like Brendon. More than a friend. And I know, I know I shouldn't but he's just so...perfect. His eyes are the perfect colour, his personality is perfect and his lips oh my God they're just so kissable. Don't even get me started on how sweet he is. The way his hair frames his face and- uuugggghhhhh. I've never felt this towards anyone else before. Even when I thought loved Pete Wentz, he has nothing on Brendon.

I wish I could just tell him but I know I can't. We trust each other with very personal stuff like the time we both told each other about our mental illnesses. I told him I have panic attacks regularly and he told me he cuts but is trying to stop.

My heart fell through the floor of reality when he told me this. I realised that Brendon has a while maze of a personality and he's centre of it all. There's no way of getting out.
That's why I feel bad about lying to him really. I feel if he does something then It'll be all my fault for not being there for him. And I'm not prepared for that to happen. But how on earth was I supposed to be with him and not accidentally tell him my feelings?

 I don't want him to leave me but I don't want to hurt him. What the hell do I do?!

Having finished my pizza, I lay on by bed, an arm bent so my hand is under my head. I sigh again, just staring at my ceiling. I know. I'll ask if he wants to spend tomorrow in the music rooms again to make it up to him. In that time I'll try not to spill it out that I like him or anything. God that'd be awkward.

I'm really glad Brendon found them rooms and that he guessed the passcode after a couple of weeks after discovering them. He said he'd been going there for years.
'It's where they never look' he says. I'm especially pleased he decided to share his hiding place with me. He could have chosen anyone but he chose me.

Brendon probably doesn't feel the same towards me. Who could love me? I am out of my mind. I just hope I don't ruin what we already have.

(A/N I'm sorry again for the shortness of this chapter but I needed another filler. Hope your doing awesomely!)