I'm Yours (Book One in the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 20

It's been a few weeks since Nick got taken away. I'm not going home. My mum completely understands. In fact, she insisted I stay away. It's not healthy for me to go back and see all the people associated with Nick. I completely agree. I'm not going back there this summer. In fact, I don't even know if I'll ever go back.

As for my relationship with Glen...it's been tough. I want him there, all the time. But to have him too close to me is almost impossible. The only times I can handle him there is when I wake up from my nightmares. Which is practically every night now. Every night I wake up screaming, lashing out to break free of Nick's grasp, covered in a cold sweat with tears running down my face. It's gotten so bad that Glen has moved his mattress from his room into mine. He sleeps on the floor because I can't handle him near me. But when the terror clears from my mind, he is always there. Holding me gently, wiping the sweat and tears from my face. Whispering sweet nothings into my ear to bring me back from the horror.

It's only then that I can handle him being close to me. I'm so overwhelmed by everything that I forget my fears and huddle right up to him. I want him to keep me safe and make sure that nothing will ever hurt me. And that's how I fall asleep. Head on his chest, enveloped in him. No longer afraid. And then when I wake, he's back on the floor.

My heart is tearing apart. I know this is hurting him. It's hurting me too. I want to be close to him, holding him, loving him. But when it happens, I freak out. Every time I think maybe I can handle it, I let him down. And I see the disappointment in his eyes. Not because he wants anything from me. I know he will wait for as long as I need. But because he sees the fear in me and knows that there is nothing that he can do to help me.

I've just woken up the morning after a particularly bad nightmare and all these things are going around in my head. I wish I was normal. I wish I could just have an ordinary relationship and not have to worry about closing my eyes...

I open my eyes to look at Glen. But he isn't there. His mattress is empty, unmade. That's not like him...

And then I realise that someone else is in my bed.

My heart pounds and I turn over. Glen is asleep next to me. Not too close. He must have fallen asleep by mistake. I did take an unusually long time to fall asleep again last night, and I know he's been knackered these days.

I don't move. I keep my eyes focused on him, trying to calm my heart down. I know he won't hurt me. It's Glen. I trust him more than anyone I've ever trusted. So why is this all so difficult for me?

His eyes flutter and begin to open. I watch as he tries to focus on his surroundings. I see the confusion on his face when he realises he isn't on his mattress. And I see the panic as he realises what he's done. His eyes snap onto my face, but he doesn't move.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers. “My God, Emie, I'm so sorry.” I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. “I can go if you want.”

He goes to move but I shake my head. I want him there. I want to get used to him being there. He's my boyfriend for Christ's sake. I need to get over this.

He slowly eases back down into the mattress and turns to face me. We look at each other in silence for a while, just trying to relax in this confusing situation.

“How are you feeling?” he asks gently.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

I hesitate. “I'm scared.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.”

Silence again. The longer he's there, the calmer I become. He's been so patient with me. I can see the exhaustion in his eyes. But he won't stop looking after me. He will always be there when I need him.