Sanity is Just a State of Mind (18+_A Jeff the Killer fan fiction)

Chapter 8: Rejection

Jessie's Point of View

Even though it's Saturday and I went to sleep late last night, I nevertheless wake up early. The house is still engulfed in darkness. Rolling over I see its a little past 6am. I climb out of bed, my arms, chest and back are sore from Jeff's assault on me last night. My shoulder is bruised and has distinct marks where he bit me. And though, I cleaned and bandaged the bite, the small lacerations on my skin still burn. I can still taste the bitterness of Jeff in my mouth, even though I cleansed every inch of it with my toothbrush and mouthwash. I gather some clothes and head to the bathroom. After dressing and brushing my hair, I walk into the living room. Glancing over at the sofa, I notice something strange. Jeff isn't lying there. I look everywhere in the house, but he's nowhere to be found. Turning on the living room light, I realize Jeff's backpack is missing as well. Unsure of the implications of this, I decide to turn on the TV. I sit on the sofa and begin watching the Saturday morning news.

' "We have a special report to bring you. Wendy Cambal is on the scene, Wendy."

"Thank you, Nick. I'm standing here in the entertainment district. If you look, you can see several police officers on the scene. A couple of hours ago several people were found stabbed to death in the alleyway just behind me. Four women and three men, their identities have not yet been released. Their bodies were found with either slits across the throats or stab wounds in their chests. All the victims share one thing in common, all their faces have been sliced from their mouths up through their cheeks, giving an eerie appearance of a smile. There was one other clue that was left at the scene. The words "Go to Sleep" were found written on the alleyway wall in what appears to be the victims blood...We're getting word in now that another victim was just found on Shady Oaks Cemetery Drive. Investigators are also reporting that the murders here were carried out in the same manner as the one that took place a couple of weeks ago in a nearby neighborhood. There are still no leads and police are warning to be on the lookout for anyone suspicious. Back to you Nick."

"Thank you Windy. What a sad turn of events." '

I pull my knees up to my chest hugging my legs tightly. 'This is all my fault.' My body starts shaking as I begin to cry. 'If I hadn't kissed Buck...I wouldn't have pissed Jeff off.' I can't help but feel I could have prevented this. I think about what Jeff told me about killing Buck and then all those innocent people that died because of me. I can't even imagine what the families are going through. I have to do something to fix this. I compose myself the best I can and decide to make a phone call.

"Hello...Buck?"

After I hang up, I finish getting ready and head out the door. I drive to a nearby coffee shop, go inside and wait. A short time later, Buck walks in. I stand and wave him over. He comes over to the table I'm at and sits across from me.

"Jessie, are you okay? You sounded strange on the phone." Buck takes my hand in his, a concerned look on his face. "Is your family okay? They were coming to visit, weren't they?"

"Oh, they're fine. They just couldn't make it after all." Again, I have to lie to him. It tears me up inside. I gently pull my hand from his tucking it under the table. Then, I look down at the coffee mug sitting in front of me. "Buck..." I call his name softly, not knowing where to start.

"Jess, what's wrong?" He looks at me with both concern and confusion. "Please, Jessie. You can tell me."

"Buck, I'm so, so, sorry. I...I can't give you what you're looking for." Tears well up in my eyes as I continue to avoid his gaze. "I care about you so much, but I just can't..."

"Jessie..." His voice is soft and gentle. "Jess, look at me."

I hesitantly look up into his deep blue eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. He brings his hands to my face wiping away the tears.

Continuing to caress my face, he speaks. "I made a promise to you, didn't I?" He gives a small smile, sadness showing in his eyes. "I promised I wouldn't pressure you, and I meant it. I won't lie to you either. I care deeply for you, Jessie and I want to be with you. But I understand if you're not ready."

"Buck..."

"It's okay, Jessie. Please, don't apologize." He cuts me off before I can say anymore. "I'll wait for you. When you're ready, I'll be right here." Buck stands from his chair, leans over the table and places a soft kiss on my forehead. "Bye, Jess." He turns and starts for the door.

"Buck..." I call out. He turns, smiles, then walks out.

Even though I'm in a coffee shop full of people, I feel so alone. After a few minutes, I get up and leave completely brokenhearted. I get home to an empty house. I'm grateful Jeff is still gone, but at the same time, I desperately don't want to be alone. I curl up on the sofa depressed and full of despair. After lying on the sofa for a while, my cell phone goes off. Sitting up, I grab it off the end table. Looking at the screen, I see that it's my mom calling.

"Hi mom, how's it going?" I try my best to sound upbeat.

"Hi honey, I was just checking in." Her voice sounds a bit strained. "Are you okay?! I heard there was a serial killer loose in your area!"

"I'm fine, mom. Don't worry, that wasn't anywhere near me." I say reassuringly.

"Still...Your dad and I think you should come stay with us for a while until they catch this person."

I consider it for a moment but decide against it. "That's okay, I'm fine here. Please, don't worry."

After several minutes of back and forth, I finally convince her that I'll be fine. I hang up the phone and think back to her offer. Even if I want to stay with them, Jeff knows about my family. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to them because of me.

I curl back up on the sofa, mentally and emotionally drained and end up falling asleep.

. . . . . . . . .

It's finally Monday, Jeff still hasn't come back, and I'm afraid to face Buck after rejecting him. I begrudgingly get ready for work and leave the house. I get close to the old Fletcher House and instinctively look over at it. I have a strong suspicion Jeff is held up inside. Moving my attention away, I turn into the ranch.

I greet Mr. Rogers as usual and go straight to work. I'm hoping I can focus on the task at hand and keep my mind off things. Unfortunately, the moment I see Buck all the emotions I'm trying to suppress come rushing back to me. I turn my back on him and clinch my fists attempting to regain control. Suddenly, two large hands are on my shoulders turning me around. Buck looks down at me smiling, then pulls me into an embrace.

"Relax Jessie, I'm not mad at you. It's my fault for pursuing you in the first place." His voice is quiet and soothing.

"That's not true." I try to protest but he stops me.

"Never mind that." He releases me from his arms, placing his hands back on my shoulders, still smiling down at me. "I know you Jess. You're stronger than this. You're going to be okay."

I look up and smile back. Feeling more confident with his encouragement, I nod my agreement. "You're right." With new resolve, I go to work.

Buck and I go back to the way things were before he first kissed me. We work side by side without any grudges between us. The day comes to an end, then another, and another. Soon, another week has come and gone. Jeff still hasn't come around, which has been a relief, but I still can't take a chance getting too close to Buck. I go home at the end of the day on Friday and the house is still empty. I smile inwardly and relax on the sofa.