Super Rich Kids (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 11: Living

Did you know... The chapter names are in alphabetical order?!?

SURPRISE!!! k enjoy the chapter... I just wanted to put that out there.
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Privacy was something I didn't have after the roof stunt. Devin was practically attached to me, and when he couldn't be I was being baby-sat by my own best friend. Foz was just as paranoid as my own brother. He texted me non-stop, always asked me if I was okay, and treated me like a petulant child.

In other words, it was the most annoying year I ever lived through.

In my eyes, nothing had changed. It was just another failed attempt at ridding myself from the world. At the time, it was the only thing I really wanted. The severity of my unhappiness went beyond anything I have ever felt and it was cancerous. Sleep wasn't existent, all motivation was lost and I was completely and utterly disconnected from the world around me.

To everyone else, what I did, or tried to do was something unbelievable. No one could accept the fact that I was so unhappy-- primarily my parents, who dismissed the whole act with a smile and an offer to have family dinner. Evidently, they missed the family dinner anyways. As for Emily and Jake, they became even more distant, and if I had to pick a word for how they felt, I would chose ashamed.

Not necessarily ashamed of me, but ashamed of my family as a whole. I didn't blame them for that and I never would. We were an embarrassment. But to treat someone- family, in such a harsh mannerism was unforgivable. When I needed them the most they argued that I "only wanted attention" and that "if everyone ignores it he will stop".

Attention.

That was a hard opinion to counter. I did want attention. I wanted my parents to notice me, I wanted them to be proud of me and acknowledge every monumental thing I accomplished as well as all the little things. I wanted my siblings to not think so poorly of me just because I was disconnected and slightly distant from them. It wasn't wrong to want attention. Everyone wants and needs attention. But wanting attention didn't push me towards the ledge and urge me to jump.

In fact, it was the absence of. It was the loneliness that I felt, the lost and emotionless ache in my heart that told me that I would be happier in another life. My next life could have been so much better. It was that hope that nearly sent me falling three stories, and it was those words that I uttered to Devin when he wanted to know why.

He took everything in stride and the next day he had scheduled me to meet with a therapist. I remember antagonizing Devin for it. In that precise moment he was against me and he was just as bad as my brainless parents and apathetic siblings. Now, it's easy to see how he was one of the only people who actually cared. 

For a while I was back and forth from therapist to therapist, never really getting along with any of them. It was the seemingly scripted conversations and judgmental looks that would have me lashing out at the doctors. In time, I learned to disregard their stereotypical actions and just sit, speak and answer everything honestly. In a way it helped, but with the wrong therapist everything could get bad really fast.

My parents, having ignored the whole situation surprised me when they insisted on me taking anti-depressants. I took them for a while, but I decided feeling sad was better than feeling like a lost hollow carcass of a person. Instead I stuck to my own therapy, which consisted of nothing but acute recreational drug use and non-stop music. It was a trip, and those short moments that I could manage a real smile and laugh were all I needed to better myself.

The real healing began the minute I started dating Foz. He was my first boyfriend and he was my escape. He wasn't the first person I dated; I had seen a few girls on and off all through junior high and some of high school. Though, he was the only one that had ever felt serious. We claimed it to be love but that was nothing but foolish. He was just my source of happiness and I confused that with something more. We were young and stupid, but deep down inside we both knew that we weren't each other's firsts and we wouldn't be each other's lasts. So separating as a couple wasn't as hard as it was separating as best friends.