Infinity

Chapter 18: all black

       I stand over his coffin at the funeral. Staring down at his cold, grey, lifeless face. It doesn't even look like him. Maybe it's not. Maybe he will come walking through those doors and surprise us all and be like, "what's going on," and say it with one of his traditional smirks."

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm dreaming. Maybe if I pinch myself enough I will wake up. I pinch myself at a constant rate, almost until my arm is bruised, but a hand stops mine. His soft eyes comfort mine. "It's not a dream, Sky." He says caressing my hands in his. I stare down at his hands for longer than I can remember. He kisses my forehead, and then he's gone. Tyler's presence fades and I'm left standing there alone. No, I didn't see a ghost. I simply had a day dream. And a dream is a wish your heart makes.

Someone else approaches me offering their condolences. Once more, I'm alone. People come and go. Soft, sympathetic smiles are offered. They make me feel weak. But the truth is, I am weak. What do I have left? My brother, practically my best friend is gone. Our infinity was broken. Andrew, as of now is just a friend, and he's most likely still with the blonde. My best friend and I haven't talked in forever and I feel like I'm losing her.

I'm in this state of mind where nothing works anymore. I have no emotion towards anything. Everyone tells me, "things will get better," but how? How could my life get any better right now. But yet again, how could my life get any worse.

Once everyone is gone my mom and I stand there in our all black, Waiting for the workers to close the coffin and take it away. We look at him one last time and I see something I've never noticed before. There was a tattoo on Tylers wrist. If I had any more tears or emotion left I would be breaking down at the sight of the tiny black infinity sign. I simply kiss two of my fingers and place them on the infinity sign, holding them there for a few seconds, and then pull away. "Goodbye, brother. Infinity," and with that, I walk away.
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Back at my house I'm laying in bed listening to Coldplay "fix you" and Kodaline "all I want." I haven't moved for a couple hours. Haven't eaten either. My phone will vibrate every minute or so with messages from friends saying, "I'm so sorry, if there is anything you need I'm here." But in reality, they're not. Half these people I've hardly ever talked to and they don't really feel sorry, and they aren't really there for me. They just want to have a connection with someone that is going through something dramatic. Just so they can feel involved and get information about how he died and what not, and share it with everyone. Stupid, selfish people. Stupid, selfish world. Nobody really cares. Nobody gives a shit.

"Amnesia" by 5SOS comes on. I wish that I could wake up with amnesia. I wish this world wasn't so difficult. I just want to forget everything that has happened over the past few weeks.

There's a knock at my bedroom door. It's my mother.
"There is someone here to see you. Should I let them in?" She says.
"Sure, why not." I respond without opening my eyes.
A couple moments later there is another knock and my door opens. I don't even bother opening my eyes to see who has entered my messy, probably horribly smelling room, but I wouldn't know because I have gotten used to the smell.

This human that is standing in my room hasn't made a sound. In fact, they have inched closer to the side of my bed. They pulled back the covers and climbed in next to me. I roll over onto my side so I'm tucked up next to them, and their arm wraps around my shoulder, pulling me closer. I adjust so my head lays on their chest/shoulder and I get this sense of safety. This feeling of warmth and protection that I haven't felt in a long time. I relax into this persons touch and doze off into a deep sleep. Probably the first real sleep I've had in a couple of weeks.

This moment. Right here. One that I will remember. I will cherish this protection, this warmth, every heart flutter because I don't know when the next time I will experience this will be. "Don't leave me." I think. "Don't leave my broken self here to pick up all the pieces. rebuild me with the confidence I need to move on. "

And with that, it was all black.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
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