#recommended: Just A Fan { Justin Bieber love story }

Chapter Eleven: Be alright

Lucy's P.O.V.

I sat quietly on a corner of the stage watching Justin doing his last performance. Tomorrow was the first show. I was still blown away by his talent. It's not just the hair, the looks, the confidence. He has talent. He has worked so hard to be in this position today and i wish more people could see that. I was observing him for afar. I don't think he had notice me watching him, he was so focus. I looked around seeing people running around, sorting out the last minutes details for the tomorrow show.

I felt my heart ache at the sound of Justin's guitar starting to play. He was performing my favorite song. "Be Alright". (Listen to this while reading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsNZdlV64jU ) I looked up to his eyes as he started singing the fist lyrics. I felt my chest heavier. This song really touches me. I felt my eyes slowly getting watery. The lyrics, the melody. Everything.

I could tell Justin's eyes were watery as well. Next to him was Dan, not even noticing how much affect this song had on Justin. I could see the sorrow behind his hazel eyes. It hurt me too but right now this song has brought so many memories to my mind i couldn't focus on Justin. I dropped my gaze and stare at the floor and memories, sad memories flood through my head.

I was only eight. He smiled at me. "It's just a business trip" he assured me while smiling. So much for a ten years business trip, right dad? I felt so guilty. All those emotions i was dealing with those years coming right back at me, causing salty burning tears to escape my eyes. I haven't even notice i was crying until i felt the tear drops hitting my right leg.

Guilty. That's what i told my counselor i felt the first time i started therapy when i was twelve. My mum had notice how depressed i was getting and figured out i needed help. I mean he was with me for eight years, i must have done something wrong if he left me. I sighed, feeling everything crashing down on me. I'm sure i'm the one who pushed him away. I just want him to know that i didn't mean to. I want him to know how sorry i am for whatever i did that brought him to this point where he had to leave me.

Empty space. That's what's left inside me. Nothing can replace that empty spot in my heart. I looked down at my wrist. I remember once coming to a point where i needed to cut myself just so i can forget about the inside pain. Kids in school were asking me where he was. "In a business trip" i've been answering for six years. After that they just stopped asking, finally realizing what the real deal was.

I put my head in my hands trying to stop myself from sobbing. Was i that bad of a daughter? I'm just....sorry. I've never stopped being sorry. It's my fault he left us and my mum had to deal with the consequences. I feel so guilty. This sorrow inside me has creeped out again. I hate myself. Sometimes i look in the mirror and i get. I'm an awful person. No wonder why he left us. You know, i try sometimes to picture his face but it's kind of hard. My mum had thrown away all of his pictures and i have nothing but memories.

No one can understand how i feel. And i don't except them to. Everyone has their own secrets and they're dealing with them in their own way. I felt depressed all over again. I needed those pills. My counselor suggested them to me. I always took one or two of them when i was really depressed. They helped me to calm down and relax but since i was 'okay' and had stopped the therapy i throw away those pills cause obviously i didn't needed them anymore. I wanted to forget my dark past. But you can't forget something that's part of you. It will hunt you forever. And that's why i called Bruno. I want answers. Only truth can set you free.

I whipped my tears and looked up to see Justin barely singing through his sobs. He was crying too. Dan had stopped playing but Justin refused to stop singing. Everyone was looking at him as his eyes were closed and tears were running down his cheeks. I felt sorry for him. I knew he was hurting too and it was heartbreaking to see him like that. He opened his eyes after finishing the song. His so hazel eyes, looking tired and swelling from all the crying. He excused himself before running off of the stage and to his dressing room i guess.