A Little Danger Never Hurts

Chapter Twenty-One: When Did My Life Become A Soap Opera?

A/N: Massive sorry for the wait! School and work have been CRAZY! Sorry that it is shorter than usual. I didn't check for errors that much I just wanted to get it out ASAP because it has been so long. Hope you enjoy! 

Eric looks at me from across the table, a large cup of coffee in his hand. It is just the two of us home at the moment and I don't really know what do or say. He kept begging me to talk to him, even waking me up every hour demanding that I talk to him. So, here we are, sitting at the dining room table in complete silence.

"Rowan, I'm sorry," he begins. "I really am. I should have told you. I just...I know that you and mom were close and I know her leaving hurt you. It's a sensitive topic and I was worried that bringing it up would just tear you down again. You've been doing so well since we moved in with Dad. The first month was hard but you finally seem to be figuring things out and you and dad have worked some of the issues out it seems. I was so worried that finding out about mom being here would make you go back into that hole and just hide away from everyone. I didn't want that to happen."

I remain quiet throughout his speech. He asked me to not interrupt and I promised him I wouldn't. I can see tears forming in his eyes and my heart instantly breaks. He doesn't cry. I've only seen him cry a few times and every time he does I always end up following his lead.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. "I'm so fucking sorry. I know you're stronger than I give you credit for. I need to realize that. I can't protect you from everything all the time and yeah it fucking pisses me off. I'm your brother. When dad left I felt like it was my responsibly to look after you, to take care of you the way that dad should have. I'm just always so worried about you. I think I have a grey hair! Okay, no time for jokes. But seriously, just please forgive me. I hate you not talking to me. It's scary. This is the longest we've gone and I think I am two seconds away from signing myself into a psych ward," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "When you left I wasn't sure if you were coming back. I knew that mom would be your breaking point. I feel like I ran fifty marathons trying to find you. I even yelled at mom, boy did that shock her," he says with a laugh. "I didn't throw a vase at her though, but I laughed when I found out. I wish I was there to see it."

He pauses for a moment, "I should have been there to see it. I should have been with you because I should have told you. We should have handled the situation together. She's a fucked up person, Rowan. She fucked us up. It's not a lie when we say our parents aren't saints but at least Dad is trying. She just...she doesn't even care about us and it pisses me off so much because I want her to and I know how much you want her back in our life and the fact that I can't make it happen pisses me off. I thought if I could just hide it form you then it would be as if nothing happened. I thought I could try to get her to realize she fucked up. Maybe she'd be like dad. But she isn't. And I'm sorry I couldn't fucking make it work. I'm supposed to make sure you're happy. I'm the older one, even if it is my a few minutes, it's always been my job to protect you and when I found out she was here but didn't tell us, I panicked. I didn't want you finding out and having her break your heart all over again. When she left, it took you away from me for a little while, and I didn't want to go through that again."

He wipes away at his eyes and it's not till then that I notice I'm crying too. I hate talking about feelings, but I know we need to have this talk. We've needed to have this talk for a while. I didn't realize how much pressure he put on himself, especially after mom and dad left. I didn't even realize how much I abandoned him for a bit when they left us. Eventually it brought us closer but I forgot about the period of time where I hid away from everyone and anything. I didn't think it mattered to him, not until now.

"I'm sorry," I quietly say. "I should have let you explain yourself before shutting you out for the past month."

"One month and fourteen days, so technically a little over a month."