Never as in Forever

Chapter 21

Alex's POV

The pain.

The pain of her not being here with me, it's horrible. It's a terrible reality. And every time I see Morgan I am reminded of that pain. And I'm reminded a lot, because Morgan is my roommate. It hurts so bad.

Right now, I'm listening to Keith Urban's song Somewhere in My Car.

"I know you're with someone else, but in my mind we're somewhere in my car.." Keith sings. I grit my teeth. I don't want to change the song, but I know I'll cry. So I cry. I want to cry, and I do. I can't stop.

I don't know what happened to us.

I don't know.

But one thing I do know, is that it's my fault. All of it. Every little bit, it's my fault. Tobin gave me everything, and I have her nothing. I didn't even give her all my love. I have some of it to Servando, and threw Tobin's heart away.

I am a terrible person.

I deserve to get hit by that car, not Tobin.

I deserve the worst of everything. I deserve this heartbreak. Tobin deserves to be happy.

How can I live with myself after what I did to her? I don't know how I can go on, without her here by my side. Holding me close, and not letting me go. Telling me everything is going to be alright, even if it's not going to be and we both know that. I want her here. I want her to hold my hand, walk with me to class, I want to talk all night with her, and I want to feel her lips against mine again.

So I go to my desk and begin to write a letter to Tobin, anonymously.

Tobin,

I know things have been...tense...between us. But I want you to try something. So meet me at the fields on Dec. 7. Three days from now at seven in the afternoon. Don't be late.

I fold the note and put it in my pocket. Then I slip it under her door, then hurry back to my room. I don't want her to figure out that I was the one who wrote that note.

I plan out what I want to do.

Then, I'm going to put it into play when the time is right. I have to get it right the first time, or all is lost between Tobin and I. I can't get anything wrong. I've got to get it all right.

And I will.

At least, I'm going to try.

A/N

I'm sorry about the short chapters. Starting to run out of ideas....so please comment. Anyways, enjoy. <3