Never as in Forever

Chapter 40

Alex's POV

I'm pretty sure everyone hates me now. They hate me and Servando. I hate Servando, and I also hate myself.

I couldn't go back to my dorm. With Morgan waiting there for me. Knowing how bad I hurt her, and now hurting Tobin. Why did Servando put the pictures back up, even after I told him that it was done, we should stop because of all the pain we're causing?

I can't stay here anymore.

Not after seeing the pain I put everyone through. I need to go somewhere else and leave. I need to stop causing pain to the one thing that is actually important in my life.

I hesitantly go to my dorm, and put my ear to the dorm. No one is there. I breathe a sigh of relief, then open the door.

I get loose leaf paper and begin a letter.

Tobin,

I'm so sorry. I really am. So to stop causing everyone pain, I'm leaving. I'm not sure where I'm going, or for how long I'll be gone, but it's for the best. Believe me when I say you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I thought that Servando was finished with the pictures, and would just throw them away. But he didn't, and I couldn't be more ashamed than I am now. Please tell Morgan that I didn't want any of this to happen. I didn't want it to go the way it did before, and I'd never want to be the reason one of you left. So I'm going to be the reason I'm leaving. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I just wanted to be the one you love. I'm sorry about how selfish I was and how cruel. I hope you forgive me. And please don't look for me. It's what I want, and it's for the best.
I love you baby.

Love,
Alexandra Patricia Morgan

By the end of the letter, I was close to crying.

I packed my favorite things, and the one thing I had of Tobin's. It was her Nike sweatshirt that I never returned. I hope she doesn't mind me taking it along for my travels.

I stick the letter in an envelope and shove it in my pocket. Then I sling my small bag over my shoulders, grab a small snapshot of Tobin and I, then leave.

I slip the letter under her door, sigh, then go.

I take one last look at the campus.

I'm on the first bus ride outa here asap.

Tobin's POV

Moe slept in my room last night. No we didn't do anything, we weren't ready for that. Plus, we don't like each other that way. She slept in my room because we both think it's reassuring to have each other near us.

I get up, yawn, and shuffle to the bathroom. I still can't believe that Alex would assist Servando in such a horrible task. All because of her feelings toward me.

It makes me sick to my stomach to have thought that even for a second, that she changed as a person. I feel bad, but she made the bad choice. Not me.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

The person that meant the most to me, and was the closest to me, stabbed me again.

I shake my head and wash my face.

"Uh, Tobin?" Moe calls. I dry my face and walk back to her.

"Right here Moe" I smile.

My smile disappears when I notice the envelope she holds in her hands.

"What's that?" I ask.

"I have no idea. It's addressed to you" She hands it to me.

I open it, and begin to read. Tears burn my eyes. Then the closing.

I love you baby.

I reread that part over and over. She loves me?

I shake that idea out of my head.

If she loved me, why'd she leave me?

"What does it say?" Moe asks. I hand the letter to her and run a hand through my hair.

God, why do I always feel like I'm the one who fucked up. I feel like I could've done something to stop her from leaving.

I groan and smash a fist on the desktop, making Christen shoot up.

"What happened?" She asks, worried.

Moe hands her the letter.

"Oh God" Christen groaned.

I grit my teeth, and my other fist goes down on the desktop.

I grabbed my board and started towards the door. I slept in last nights clothes so I didn't have to worry about changing. I just grabbed a beanie and coat and ran out the door.

"Where are you going?" Christen calls.

"To find her!" I call back.