Capturing Ella

Chapter 38 - Ella

8:17pm, the same day

I sat down on Widemouth beach, smiling at the gentle sea as the tide had started to go out. I was sitting on my jacket in just a pair of shorts and a thin camisole shirt as Joe had gone to the small pub behind us to get the food. It was safe enough here to let me stay on the beach by myself, and even if something did happen Joe, and the car, was only a hundred meters away, and all across dry sand. I could make it back to the car in about fifteen or twenty seconds.

The sea had the same affect it always did on me; strangely calming. Almost like nothing would hurt me. I had always found the tranquillity of the waves calming and picturesque. But I could never live here, or by the beach though. I would be too calm, and if you're too calm all the time you can danger yourself to stupid moves. However, yearly holidays would just be supreme. I sucked my teeth slightly, thinking back to what Joe saw yesterday on the beach. Me, running around on the beach with a little girl. She called me Mummy, so she was my daughter. I could even see the similarities to me and Joe as well, but I don't think he could. So the little girl running around on the beach who tackled me into the waves was our daughter. Even though it wasn't certain, and Joe said there was a little chance of that event coming true it seemed to settle in my brain that I could go on one day – not now, too much going on to even comprehend discussing having a child – to have a child of my own made me incredibly happy.

It wouldn't be recent, though, if we did have a kid. The implant in my arm had another two years left on before it expired and I couldn't take it out. Maui wouldn't be overly happy if when the time came and we decided we wanted a kid as it makes the paperwork ten times trickier to fill in and the restrictions that came down was stupid. I could understand, it was best for the baby, but still the "no running over 400m" line killed me off every time. So no, the child wouldn't be around for quite a few years. Even then, I don't think I would have the talk that came with having a child. It seemed quite awkward even if you're madly in love and want that next step of a commitment. Let alone telling people – that seemed my worst nightmare. Telling people you basically had unprotected sex and got pregnant to have people stare at your body and touch your belly every time they see you for nine months seemed like literal Hell. I would probably be one of those people who just hide inside for who knows how long until the baby was born and let the kid do the announcing themselves.

I frowned at myself, completely unaware of the daydream I had managed to get myself into. I never knew where I stood with the whole parenthood thing – I loved looking after kids and was even told time after time I was good with them but I could hand them back to their rightful owners, like someone handing over a lost puppy to the delighted family. But how would I react when I couldn't give the baby back when it started crying and wouldn't stop. I could just give it to Joe. Joe with kids was an absolute beauty to watch. He is so good with kids.

Before we went down to Cornwall I had a few things I left at base – and so did the girls – so I said I'd go in and collect them all at a stupid time in the morning. I drove myself into base, using Michael's card to clock in and out of the base, before parking up. No one noticed it was me – I had some jogging bottoms on, a running jacket with the hood up covering my greasy, unshowered and matted hair and had even decked the look with sunglasses. I wasn't meant to be back here, but I only remembered the small bag I left in my locker with some personal belongings the day of the interview and it was unfair to wake Michael up at half four to run in to get them for me. I was more than capable of doing it myself. As I walked across the floor at base, I noticed someone sitting on one of the tables- not the stool the actual table – with a baby. It took a moment more staring to realise it was Joe, feeding one of the twins. Shit – he would definitely recognise me. He's not stupid, and especially after the party. So I went to the wall behind him to creep around behind so he wouldn't see me. As I walked slowly, I could hear him talk to his niece in his arms, calming her down. I can't remember exactly what he was saying but it was so heartfelt that my ovaries practically dissolved right there and then. I quickly ran into the locker room, grabbing Crystal's vanity bag and my own tote bag, before throwing it over a shoulder and making my way out again. When I came back out, the baby was asleep in Joe's arms and he was gently singing to her. I literally was a walking puddle. I knew then his Soulfinder was lucky when they had kids and it took a while for it to click his Soulfinder was me. And at that moment in time, I was so stuck up my own ass thinking the correct idea was to leave him that I discarded the thought immediately. Now, I regretted every moment I didn't spend with him. If I told him when I first saw him, perhaps all of this could have been avoided.