go: lrh♡

《Chapter 49》

"So what was the big news?" Genna asks as I walk into the house that still smells strongly of paint.

"I can't- I'll tell you later." I laugh harshley and shuffle up to Luke and I's room. I stick my makeup-free face into a pillow and just think.

"How about you be the guys song writer? You would get payed well, you could still go on tours with them..."

I laugh at John's words.

Maybe I want to sing. Maybe I want some of the attention? Is it so bad? Maybe it is.

Dammit Sydney. You're so selfish.

"Hey." Someone says as they open the door. Luke walks in with Cal, Ashton, and Mikey.

"We just wanted to talk about today." Michael says, sitting next to me and rubbing my back. Ashton sits in a ball on the floor, Cal leans against the wall and Luke lays down on my side that is not occupied by Michael already.

"We just want you to know we didn't want this to happen." Calum says lightly.

"I know you didn't. Its fine. I think I might actually..." I say, flipping over to my back.

"Y-you will?"

No. I want to keep singing. I want my own career.

"Yeah. Why not?"

"You know you don't ha-"

"No!" Luke yells, scaring us all a bit.

"You are here to chase your dream, not help us with ours. Its not up to John to tell you what to do. You can tell him you don't want to."

"Yeah." Mikey adds "You do what you want, you're punk rock."

I laugh.

"Guys, its been such a rush to perform and stuff but... did you think of why John thought it might be a good idea? Maybe I'm just not gonna make it." I sigh.

Then the reality hits me. There is a huge chance this wont work out, just like everyone back home told me all along.

"You are making it! We're almost millionares for fucks sake!" he swears.

"Woah drama queen. Chill your man boobs." I laugh, trying to lighten the mood in the room. We all lightly laugh so I guess it worked.

I hug Luke around the waist and lay my head on the back of his neck.

"Maybe it would be fun. We could have our careers together." I mumble.

"But you wanted this so bad." he sighs, shifting his weight over so he was relying on me to keep him sitting up. I could see tears brimming in his eyes.

"Hey guys, can you... give us a moment?"

"Yeah sure."

They all shuffle out of the room. Lots of muffled "woo!"s came from behind the closed door. They were sliding.

"But maybe I want this now."

I'm trying to talk myself into it now.

"Are you sure. Because you really don't sound sure."

"I don't know Luke! I'm making less and less money and I can't think of any song lyrics that would be good for me. But maybe I just wanted some of the glory for once!" I explode.

"Oh my gawd I'm sorry." I chuckle, annoyed at myself. I'm throwing a huge tantrum.

"No. You need to say some of this stuff and I honestly want to hear it. I need to know."