Dear Gabriel

Dear Gabriel,

You look so peaceful when you sleep.  There are no lines of worry creasing your face and the tension is gone.  There have only been a few times where there is not a single burden weighed on your shoulders and when you sleep is that time.  There is no restlessness behind your eyes just complete and utter tranquility.  

I’m writing this in the living room of the cabin.  I couldn’t sleep and decided to sneak out of the room to write, feeling that it would calm the gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach.  I have a feeling of what this feeling might be but you wouldn’t like it very much if I confessed…

 The moon is set high in the clear black sky, surrounded by many brilliant stars that are set in their own patterns.  I see the big dipper and Orion’s belt.  It’s beautiful and I’m awed by how magnificently vast earth and space is.  It’s because God made it that way and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever understand why things are the way they are.  Like why do hummingbirds have wings that beat a hundred miles per hour?  Don’t they ever get tired?  I wonder how time really works and how we have different time zones for different parts of the world.  I think you can answer that question for me since you are time-traveling-magic yielding-Keeper of Time.

Maybe the world isn’t about trying to find the answer in everything that happens.  Maybe that’s why we aren’t supposed to know the reason why I’ve been destined to die.  We aren’t meant to understand, at least, not now anyways.  I know it’s hard, Gabe.  It was hard for me when the realization hit me with its cold and yielding hand.  Knowing that I will die should scare me, right?  But the truth is that I’m not the least bit afraid.

You once told me that I was strong and independent.  Do you remember that day down by the river near your house?  It was the time that we got lost for an hour in the woods and we were both scared because it was getting dark soon.  We held hands and tried to find our way back and I felt your hand trembling in mine.  You didn’t want to be scared because you were a boy and boys weren’t supposed to cry in front of girls.  I squeezed your hand and told you that we’d get out of the woods and back home, safe and sound.  You nodded your head and sucked in your cheeks in determination and courage.  You then trudged ahead and in about half an hour we found our way to your house.  God, our parents were so worried!  The kissing and hugging seemed endless and we shared a secret smile through it all.  I gave you that strength to stay calm, the assurance that we would get home and not be lost in the woods where bears would eat us.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want us to be strong for this.  No matter what Gabe we have to be strong enough to get through this.

My time is coming to an end.  Soon.  I can feel it in the air around me and it’s that gnawing feeling in my stomach.  I think it’s a warning; a warning so that we could spend more time together and not waste it but instead spend it by living it to the fullest.  I don’t know what will happen afterwards.  All I know is that I won’t be with you and that’s the part that breaks my heart.  I need you to promise me that you’d keep on living.  You have such a long and wonderful life ahead of you and I don’t want you to live it sullenly and grief-striken.  I don’t want to be the thing that holds you back from happiness.  I couldn't bear to know if that is the case.

I don’t know when this turned to a goodbye letter but I guess it has...

Will you please tell my father that I forgive him?  Tell him that I love him despite the hurt he caused Mom and me.   I know he still loves us and that’s all that matters.  I can’t imagine the sort of pain that both my parents are going to go through.  Children aren’t suppose to outlive their parents…it’s something I imagine Mom saying.

Then there’s you.

Just thinking about leaving you….it’s just too much to bear.  Being with you these last few months have been the greatest days of my life.  Days that I will never forget and I’ll never let them go.  I’d even do it all over again if it meant more time to be with you.  You have loved me with all of your being and it’s all I’ve asked for.  I’ve always wanted to be loved.  Dreamed about the day when it would happen.  Then when it did…well-I’d like to say that I’m the luckiest girl in the world. 

You have saved me in all the ways that a person can be saved.  You were there when I had given up on love.  Finding out about my father destroyed that hope inside me but you were there.  You were there.  You brought me back from that dark place where I was and you gave me hope to believe again.  You saved my life at the car accident and then when the demon poisoned me.  I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you. I hope that my love was enough because Gabriel…I love you with all of my heart.  I always have.  It has all been you and no one else.

It seems like I’ve given up but I’m merely accepting my fate.  I hope that you understand.  I hope that you see that this would serve its purpose-whatever it may be.  I'm meant for something more and I know it.  I can feel it just like I know that I have only a few more days...

I’ll always remember the day you saved me from that snake; the day that we became best friends.  Even then you were trying to protect me.  I’ll remember the night of the play when I first knew that I loved you but I was so afraid of letting you know.  I didn't want to ruin our friendship.  The night of our first kiss, out in the woods, is another memory that I'll never forget.  Then there was today, when we danced to Frank Sinatra without a care in the world and I couldn't imagine being anywhere else than being in your arms. 

In truth I'll never forget any of the moments we've shared but if I sit here and name each and every one-well, I'm afraid that it would take more than one night and more than one piece of paper.  I'll never forget.  

My memories will never fade just as our love will never dim-illuminating the darkest night, offering hope and warmth.

With all my love,

     your little fish named,

Gwen

~Authors Note~

Hey you guys! I hope that you enjoyed the letter :) My inpiration was of course The Mortal Instruments. The part where Jace writes the letter to Clary although I don't think it's particularly as good :P Anyways, thank you guys for sticking with me through this journey! I really really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.  Also, I'd like to thank you guys for being patient with my posts. There were complications but hopefully I'll be posting again more frequently :)

I'd like to give special thanks to innamorare for the book cover! She's now my personal book cover maker and a really great friend! She is always helping me tremendously (helped me with the last line :P) and I am very grateful for it :)) Oh! And you also should totally check out her stories! They are all amazing! I promise you that you would love them just as much as I do :))

Thank you guys again! You guys are truly great! 

<3 addy