Dear Gabriel

Entry # 10

Friday, 2008, April 18

Life has gotten a bit better from my last entry.  I’ve decided to be strong and ignore what my peers have been saying about me.  As long as I knew that what the rumors being said weren’t true than that is all that mattered.  Girls still snickered and call me not so nice names but I stick it out.  This cookie isn’t so hard to break.

Tonight we are going to go ice skating! I have an hour to kill since I always prepare ahead of time so that’s why I’m writing beforehand.  Tammy and I invited Molly since my suspicions were right about her liking Triston.  Triston is unware of her feelings, because well…apparently he told Kyle that he did like me and Kyle told Tammy, and well, you know the end of that chain.

I was hoping that bringing Molly might stop Triston’s feelings for me.  He has really been a great friend the last couple of months – defending me from the mean tactics that the guys did to me.  He almost even got into a fight with Jack over me, but I pulled him away.  I did not want to relive another moment like that in my life.  Not after…

But yeah…I hoped that seeing Molly and the look in her eyes…the kind of look that said she adored Triston would be enough for him to like her.  Molly thought that him protecting me from Jack and his pack of wolves was sweet and I agreed.  Now, only to get these two together…I know that it’s not going to be like in the movies where they lock gazes and zap! they immediately fall for each other.  Sadly, life didn’t work like that.  Triston has seen Molly around school and hasn’t given her a second glance.  Maybe, he’d start liking her when he gets to know her.  I hope that it worked.  Look at me, playing cupid!

I know that I said that I don't meddle with the affairs of love, but well you see, I really want Triston to stop liking me.  I really don’t want to ruin the friendship that I have for him.  But also the thing was that I didn’t feel the same for him. Sure, he was a great, sweet, funny, and smart guy, but he wasn’t the guy for me.  I wasn’t ready yet, and even if I was I wouldn’t want to ruin the friendship we have.

Well, on the skating note…I’m really praying that I don’t fall on my tush and embarrass myself.  I’m very accident prone, and don’t do so well when I’m not on solid ground.  Yes, ice skating is on solid ice but it’s like the shoe and the blade, and my balance…yeah not so good.  Let’s just leave it at that.  I mean I have issues walking up the stairs without tripping.  Yes, I know, I’m lame.  Tammy gives me grief about it all the time.

Speaking of Tammy, she and Kyle are doing quite well.  They haven’t made it official, which I find sweet because most people just jump into the relationship.  But not Tams and Kyle.  They are enjoying their friendship and finding new things about each other every day.  I think it’s really cute and I find myself wishing that I had what they have.  

More than ever I wish I had Gabe with me.  It doesn’t make me sad anymore, but I do miss him a lot.  He’s the kind of person that I could never forget.  We practically grew up together and up to two years ago he was my one and only friend, my best friend.  You don’t forget things like that, you don’t forget people like that because they leave a special mark on you; a mark that you’ll never forget no matter how much you try to scrub it off.  But I wouldn’t want to forget him.  I treasured each and every day that we had, and the only regret that I have is not ever telling him how I felt.  I regret not telling him that I love him.  You never forget your first love.  It kind of sticks with you for a long time.

I don’t know…maybe I will forget him once I fall in love again or maybe I won’t.  I can’t really say what the future holds in that department, but it’s safe to say that I think I’ve come to the point of accepting that he’s gone.  I have to let him go now, but that doesn’t mean that some part of me will always have faith.  After all, if you set something free and it doesn’t come back then it was never yours.  I heard that once somewhere.  Maybe I read it in a card or something.  But if it does come back then the thing you set free was meant to be yours, and that’s what I think about when I think of him.

Oh!  Well, it looks like it’s time to go!  Tammy just called, telling me to get my arse downstairs.  I better hurry before she kicks my little arse.  Hope tonight isn't a complete disaster...ya know, with the skating and all!