Dear Gabriel

Entry # 12

Sunday, 2008, August 24

It’s the day before school starts and the sky is overcast.  I’m sitting on a rock overlooking the small creek behind Gabriel’s house.  I haven’t been here in the past few years and I had forgotten how beautiful it is when the days were cloudy and strangely relaxing.  Most people here hated when it got cloudy, but I didn’t.  When I woke up this morning I found myself feeling nostalgic as I looked out my window and into the woods.  It was then that I decided I would make the long trudge towards the creek.

I have to say that it is empty being here by myself.  Gabriel and I would always come here together and skip rocks or take a swim.  As I look out into the distance I see all the memories of us before my eyes.  It reminds me of that scene in Anastasia where Anya is singing and the figures from the portraits come alive and are dancing with her, but she doesn’t know it of course.  That’s how it feels for me. I see the last day we were here, when I gave him the locket for his birthday.  Then there is the time when he splashed me, making me go in after him.  Most of our time here was spent sitting on these huge rocks and just talking.  It was a nice getaway from the world.  It was peaceful and our own secret hide-a-way.  No one else knew that we came here, not even our parents, it was for us alone.

I really do miss him.  Especially, now.  Just being here brings back all those moments I had with him.  It brings back that hollow emptiness, but I can’t feel like that.  I just can’t. I know he wouldn’t want like it very much, which brings a smile back to my face.  Just thinking about what he’d do to me is enough to stop me from dwelling in anguish.

Today is really beautiful.

With the sky overcast, there is a slight breeze in the air, making it rather hard to write with my page turning every few minutes.  The breeze creates slight creases in the still water and they remind me of sound waves, vibrating.  The leaves are turning crisp and orange; a sign that fall is fast approaching. Fall is absolutely beautiful as nature changes, preparing for the harsh winter.  But even when winter is cold and sometimes unyielding – it’s my favorite.

I just love how magical the world is when it is covered with snow, pure white, flawless, beautiful.  I also loved wearing hats, scarf’s, and BOOTS!  With winter I liked the cold but I absolutely love being warm in the cold – if that makes sense.  I needed to be completely snuggled with warm clothing to be able tolerate the cold, which was easy enough with the right attire.  Also, with winter came hot chocolate!!! I love hot chocolate, who doesn’t?  I know…only crazy people do.  Winter also brought Christmas and New Years.  They were both my favorite holidays.  I loved being able to do New Year’s Resolutions even if I never completed them.  Sometimes, I did but I couldn’t do all of them.  Hmm…which reminds me to start thinking of goals for next year.

I think I’m getting a little ahead of myself right now.  Fall hasn’t even approached but I’m already thinking of winter.  I should be thinking about school tomorrow – new grade, new classes, possibly new people to meet.  But I wasn’t completely worried about it.  I had my friends and I’d know exactly where we’d sit for lunch and I knew the school like the back of my hand now.  It’s not at all that scary after your very first day in a new environment. 

Freshmen year had been hard because I got lost the first couple of days and finding people to sit with at lunch had been difficult.  If I had learned anything last year it was that everything happens when it’s supposed to happen.  Like meeting Tammy was completely unexpected.  I never would have thought that she and I would become such close friends.  I would have never imagined that I’d friend football players.  I certainly didn’t think I’d try to play cupid. 

Things have a funny way of working out for the better.  There’s always a bigger picture involved.  I believe that with all my heart.  Even the bad things have a way of making a person grow.  It’s all part of a greater mystery that is bigger than all of us.  I think that’s what makes life interesting because you never know what will happen next but whatever it is…it’s making us better in some way.

It’s getting late.  My mom will be wondering where I am.  Time sure seems to fly whenever I start writing as if I’m in my own parallel universe.  It definitely takes me away.

<3