Dear Gabriel

Entry # 13

Wednesday, 2008, November 12

I was asked to join the church choir tonight and I politely declined.  I don’t know what it is about singing in front of people, but just thinking about it makes my heart raise, and memories of the night of the play surface.  It’s silly and just foolish to stop something that I love because of Gabe.  But it’s like he took that with him…like I don’t know…I can’t really explain.  I just can’t sing again in front of a crowd.

On a brighter note, I got an A on my report of FDR.  Definitely worked hard on that and took me more than four hours to complete.  Damn, right I deserved that A! Mr. Harding even wrote how it was a well researched paper and my writing was virtually flawless, except for my overuse of commas.  He said that I should even join the school’s newspaper, but I was kind of iffy about the idea.  I was already swamped with my advanced classes and didn’t know if I could handle an extracurricular activity.  I honestly don’t know how Kyle and Triston do it. They have football practice for over four hours and still manage to keep their grades up in class.  I think it’s because they have better management skills.  I kind of suck in that department. 

Oh!  So…Triston and Molly haven’t become official yet, but I think that Triston is starting to like her.  I don’t know…I just catch him at the rarest moments staring at her and then he’ll look away suddenly and get this bashful look on his face.  I giggle to myself and then I look like I’m crazy laughing at nothing, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.  Then there is Kyle and Tammy – they totally love each other but Kyle doesn’t man up and ask her out already!  It’s killing me and I’m sure it’s killing Tammy!  Ugh…boys.  What is wrong with them?  Are we ever going to find out the workings of their minds?

Probably not.

This might be nothing but there is this new guy named Hunter and he’s very mysterious.  There is something about him that has the whole school girl population enthralled, including me.  He’s just quiet and stays out of everyone’s way, but he did talk to my once in English class to say that I’m a “know it all”.  I can’t help it if I love World Lit., and actually read the book we are assigned and am involved in the class discussions a lot.  I just love to state my opinion.  It’s better than just keeping quiet like he does.  I saw him smirk when I told him that he should talk about what he thinks for once instead of looking like he’s sulking.  I wanted to slap that grin off his face or kick him or stab my pencil in his hand.  He’s just so aggravating and every time he walks by he gets this smart ass grin as if he knows something that I should know. 

Boys are so frustrating!  Either they harbor their feelings or decide to treat you unkindly or infuriate you like Hunter.  Sometimes, I want to just walk up to him and demand to know what his problem is.  I honestly don’t know why girls like him.  I don’t even know why I’m so curious about who he is.  Is it because I want to find out the mystery that is him?  Possibly.  I love books and when there is an air of mystery in them it drives me crazy wanting to know what the secret is.  I want to know more about him rather than the basic facts of where he came from.  I want to know why he looks like he’s been through pain…I want to know why he treats me so.

Maybe, I should try to talk to him one of these days or maybe he’ll come around on his own.  He did just move here only a couple of weeks ago.  It must be hard to be the new kid and find that people are constantly talking about him.  Maybe, I should be nice and a friend to him.  Sometimes, I don’t like how I’m too nice.  I think it’s the saint in me.