Dear Gabriel

Entry # 15

Tuesday, 2009, March 3

So much has happened since my last entry.  Here is a quick list of all that has happened:

1. Grant and I have become fast friends.

2. Tammy and Kyle are now official.

3. I auditioned for the spring musical (check)

4. Published a short article on going green last week in the school paper

It’s been pretty eventful and that’s why I haven’t had time to write down my thoughts on paper.  Time is just an illusion for me right now – everything is just going by so fast.  I’m amazed that I can keep up.  I shouldn’t even be writing in here because I have a five page paper on the effect of global warming on our society that I need to write tonight because I’ve procrastinated.  But I wanted to take an hour just to write down what happened today.

Where should I even start?  I guess I’ll start at the beginning.

Grant brought me a bagel and a small coffee for breakfast this morning.  I was taken aback by the gesture because….well, what do you say to something like that other than ‘thank you’.  I want to be the kind of girl that doesn’t read too much into things, but I can’t help it.  After the kiss we shared on New Year’s I always think there is something more to things that he does for me.  Today was the first time that he’s ever gotten me anything even if it was just coffee and a bagel.  But it’s not the first time he’s done something nice for me.

Like a couple of weeks ago, I was having a nervous breakdown because of the audition for the musical and he was there to calm me down.  He told me to look at him, to look at his beautiful slate blue eyes and it calmed me.  His eyes reminded me of the sea; a place I long to see.  I’ve never seen it for myself.  The only large body of water I’ve ever seen is the lake where I used to go when I was a kid…

He told me that I needed to face my fear of stage fright because he thinks that that is the reason for my nervous breakdown.  But it’s not it at all.  Not even close… In the end, I did audition for the musical, but I was a wreck and got cast as a background singer.  The strange thing is that I was relieved.

It’s been two months exactly since Grant and I kissed, and people at school are starting to notice that we’ve been hanging out more.  Before the night of our kiss I didn’t even know who he was.  I knew that he went to school with me, but I didn’t know him.  Since then I have discovered that he’s on the lacrosse team.  I never knew that and I’m not even sure what lacrosse really is. It’s kinda like soccer, but with nets…I don’t really know.  The season has started and I usually go out to the field to watch practice.  Most of the time I am not paying attention and instead I’m reading for a class.

When I do watch them practice I have gathered that Grant is really good…no, GREAT!  He really is and I’m not just saying that because I like him.  Nope.  Not at all.

Where was I…oh yes...people have started to notice me and Grant spending more time together that rumors about Jack and I are resurfacing.  At lunch, Grant asked me about it and I had to tell him that nothing that he’s heard is the true.  I just don’t understand why people are so vicious.  Those rumors were last year’s trend and now they have to resurface again?  I don’t get…

Triston was ready to go pummel Jack and I saw the hurt in Molly’s eyes when he was ready to defend my honor.  I know he meant well because he’s my friend, but Molly doesn’t see it that way.  I had to talk to her afterschool and tell her that nothing is going on between us.  I also told her I liked Grant and that seemed to ease the hurt she felt earlier.  Molly is a little insecure because she doesn’t think anyone would ever like especially Triston but I calmed her worries by telling her that Triston is really oblivious when it comes to girls, making her laugh.

Right after I left Molly I ran into Jack and he was a total asshole.  He was still insisting that we had sex.  He grabbed my arm when I pushed him out of the way and wouldn’t let me go, ignoring my protests.  I was ready to cry out for help when Grant showed up and told him to leave me alone.  Grant was nowhere as muscular as Jack but he was taller and held an air of confidence and strength.  Jack backed off as Grant took my hand and lead me towards the field for practice.

I was really thankful for him showing up at the right moment.  I honestly don’t know what Jack would have done…he’s capable of a lot of things and I don’t know why I even agreed to go to the dance with him last year.  It’s was a mistake that I have learned from wholeheartedly. 

The thing about Jack really had me shaken up, making today the second time Grant kissed.  He kissed my forehead before he had to go on the field once practice was starting…but a kiss is still a kiss.  It was really sweet and made me feel…

I don’t know exactly…but I can say that I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach when he did. 

Just writing about it makes me feel giddy inside.

He really is amazing and I hope that I’m not afraid in the future of what could happen.  I really wish that my past doesn’t hold me back with what I could possibly have with Grant.  I wouldn’t want to pass an opportunity being with someone while I still thinking about the guy who left me.  That’s no way to live, right?

Right.

Gwen