Dear Gabriel

Entry # 5

Saturday, 2006, August 19

He's gone.

There's nothing left of him.  Absolutely nothing.  It was like he never even existed.  

I found it odd the way his family was acting last night at his birthday party.  Mrs. Montehue wouldn't even let me stay to help clean up after the party was over.  I was the only one left and I was practically pushed out the door to leave.  His sister Jane kept on glaring at me and I know that she has never liked me but I don't know why.  I always asked Gabe why but he didn't know either.  I think he fought with her once because of it...

I went over to his house earlier today.  We were supposed to go bike riding like we always do.  I knocked on the door and no one answered.  I thought that his parents had gone grocery shopping since there were no cars in the driveway.  I then twisted the door knob and it opened.  I walked through the house and found it completely empty and abandoned like it had been this way for years. No one would give it a second thought that just last night there had been a party here.  There was nothing left but the patches of dust left behind on the wooden floors.  There was nothing left of him. Nothing left for me. 

None of this makes any sense! I don't know how to feel....I'm so angry with him!  I hate him...no I don't hate him.  I love him.  I'm in love with my best friend and he will never know.  He's gone.  I don't even know where he went.  He didn't even say goodbye; just disappeared into the night without a trace or clue to where I could possibly find him.

 I'd go.  I'd run away from home and when I find him I'd demand an explanation from him.  I'll even punch him for leaving me and scaring me like that!  He is going to get an ear full when he comes back...will he come back?

God.  I want him back.  He's only been gone a day and I'm already going mad.  It's crazy to say that I can't function properly without him here because I am strong (he's said so himself).  But why I do feel so weak and fragile.  Why do I feel like something inside of me is broken without reproach?

He just can't be gone.  He can't be.  He promised that he'd always be there.  He said that we'd be best friends forever.  He's the only person who has ever understood me.  The only person who has always been there when things got rough.  The only person who really knew me.  

How could he be gone like this?  Why didn't he say goodbye?  I would have told him that I loved him...maybe then he'd stay...I wish I could tell him now.  I wish that he weren't gone.  He can't be gone. 

Will anything ever be the same if he is?