Wintercearig (A Lawlorff fanfiction)

Chapter 15

··|Sam's POV|··

I refuse to open my eyes at the motion of him pulling away. Until he speaks.

"Open those pretty eyes baby." He puts a few fingers under my chin and if course, I do as he commands and open my eyes to see him. "You're stunning.." He runs his thumb across my cheek and then unexpectedly swoops down to my lips to kiss me again. I kiss back with all of my might and it feels as if he does too because the 'fireworks' are exploding and I've never felt better.

We continue to kiss and grope at each other until the door opens and we jump apart, both looking flustered.

"Kian, are you ready to go?" Ricky ask ignores me and asks.

"For what?" He says and bites/licks his lip. God he's so hot.

"Your bachelor party tonight?" Oh, of course. I'm not part of that.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be down in a few. Okay?" He replies.

I start to move away but he reaches out as Ricky leaves with an 'okay'.

"Hey, can we cuddle when I get back?" Kian asks me and I laugh internally.

I won't be here when you get back.

"Anything your heart desires" I joke and he smiles at me and I can see my entire life in his smile. I smile slightly too and he kisses he once more before leaving.

And then I'm alone. After swtting my note on my bed, I decide to record a quick goodbye video for the fans before I go.

"Hey guys. Uh. This is going to be a very different video. Uh, I'm not going to edit it out anything, I'm just going to film and upload."

I take a deep breath and rub myeyes of the tears.

"So here it goes."

I fell sobs coming on but I continue with my speech.

"I love you guys. I love every single one of you so much. Honestly, you're the reason I've stayed this long. From the kiansam13 days, to the superkian13 days and then the days of my lonesomeness. You guys have stayed through music videos, vlogs, skits, everything. The biggest joy of my pathetic life was seeing the smiles appear on your faces when you met us and the hugs and I'm truly honored to have been such a major part of your lives." I sniff again.

"I'm more than thankful for o2l. You guys are my fucking family. You have always been and our memories are those like no other. You guys are going so fucking far.. I'm so proud." I wipe more tears from my face.

"And uh, Kian. You're my best friends and you always will be. Take care okay? I love you." I notice that I'm fully diving now. "I love you so much, Ki. Don't hold back when I'm give. Start that channel with JC, be best friends. Stay okay. Please, for me. I love you." I speak between breathy sobs and continue because I know I need to be gone.

"I love all of you so much, everyone watching this. I love you."

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale.

"However, myself is not included. I hate myself more than I can describe. I'm so sorry. I can't go on. I'm so sorry. Goodbye, I'm so sorry, Ki." I whisper his name and fumble to shut off my camera.

After filming, I take my laptop and tweet a 'thank you'/'i love you' tweet. I upload the video and link it into my tweet before going to the bathroom, running the water, destroying myself.

··|Kian's POV|··

Two hours into the party, we all meet at our booth in the club and hang out. I decide to raise my glass to the group and say "Guys, thank you so much for this. I can't believe I have such great friends and such a great fianc-".I start but am cut off when I spot said fiancée behind JC, with her ex. The guys all look to me but I can't say anything I walk to where they can't see me but I can hear them.

"Let's just fuck already, it's been so long." I hear Andrea says and tears spring to my eyes.

"Its only been like a week. Are you sure? You are engaged you know?" He says and she just smiles.

"Oh, please. I don't love him. Our marriage is a joke."

I decide the pain is too much then.

I step into her line of vision. "No Andrea, you're the joke. We're over." I take of my ring and throw it into the mob of dancers before running back out to the car.and waiting for the guys. Thankfully, they're out quickly, likely seeing the scene between Andrea and I. It's a silent drive home and I jump out of the car and run inside to receive the comfort of my best friend.

"Sam?" I yell. "Sam, we're back!" I start to worry. "Sammers, I need you." I continue calling for him. From behind me I hear a gasp.

"You okay Trevor?" I ask while peering behind me.

"Uh, no. Fuck. Twitter. Sam. Kian check Sam's twitter. He breathes out and starts to have a panic attack. I, along with the guys, pull out our phones. Thanks to my tweet notifications, his is the first I see. I read it twice over and sprint up the stairs.

No, he wouldn't. He couldn't. I love him. I can't go on without him. He's my everything. My Sam.

I yell his name and take the stairs four at a time, thanking god for my extended legs.

I run into his ruin to see it empty but a note.. Ignoring the paper, I run to the bathroom. Nononono.

I open the door and I sob uncontrollably.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE!" I yell as nd return my attention to the lightly breathing, very bloody boy in the tub.

"Kian?" He whispers and I rub to his side then, only stopping to grab a towel. I pick him up bridal style and very carefully wrap the towel around him.

"Yeah, baby it's me." I cry into his neck and realize his pulse is not as it should be. "Sammers, it's me. Your little Kean Bean. Your Kiki. Your best friend. I'm right here. Nothing bad is going to happen to you. I promise. I love you." I sob sweet nothings to him and he opens his mouth to respond but instead bod comes out in a dry cough. I sob and almost miss his small "I love you too" street hid cough. I hug him as tight as I can until someone who can actually help him takes him away. I run down behind them and volunteer as the ambulance passenger. We basically fly to the hospital and that's when it his me how real this is.

Sam tried killing himself.

I'm drenched in blood from his veins.

He's dying.

a/n to the 4 people who actually read this pathetic piece of trash I'm sorry I suck