Wintercearig (A Lawlorff fanfiction)

Chapter 16

··|Kian's POV|··

Tick tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick tock.

3 hours pass of pacing, screaming and tears. 3 hours pass of thoughts of Sam's beautiful smile and the possibility of never seeing it again. 3 hours of thinking about logical reasons. 3 hours of thinking that it was my fault the love of my life tried to get out.

Tick tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A doctor walks down the hall.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

"Who's here for Sam Pottorff?"

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Oh God, that's me. Just me. The boys had to go home and cope. I stand

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

"What's your relationship to Sam?"

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

"He's my everything."

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

"Come with me, you're allowed to visit with him now."

Tick.

Time stops. He's alive. He made it.

Tock.

I nod and rush after the doctor and as we come to Sam's room the doctor stops to tell me more news and regulations.

"Okay, so he lost a lot of blood but Sam is actually pretty okay as we were able to fix him up quite well. We have to keep him overnight for suicide watch. Do you live together?" The doctor asks carefully.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Okay, so we're also going to rely on you slightly because someone needs to keep him from self harming again." I nod in agreement. "And one more thing, he is extremely underweight. One of my trusted assistants says that he likely has anorexia, bulimia, or both. Please keep an eye on him and try to get him to eat. If he persists with his habits, give us a call and we can help." I nod again and he replay in an action telling me to go in.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I turn the knob.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Walk in.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I fall in love all over again.

"Sam?" My voice croaks.

He's sitting criss crossed on his bed in his hospital gown. His hair is how it was when I found him and his arms are now covered in bandages. His cheeks are extremely flushed and he's concentrating on what looks like an etch-a-sketch on a stick. His heartbeat. My baby's heartbeat.. awh..

He notices me after I mumble out his name again.

"Oh. Hey, Ki." He says softly and I walk over to sit facing him in the same position.

I feel some tears start to slide down my cheeks in gratitude for his safety.

"Look, Kian.. I'm sorry. I don't kn-" I cut him off.

"Stop. You knew what you were doing. You know what you were thinking. However, I don't and goddammit I need to." I feel sobs start to bubble out of my mouth.

"I, uh. I know. Can we just put that off for a little bit? Until after your wedding maybe?" He asks and plays with the edges of his bandage.

I freeze. The wedding. The wedding with that scum. The wedding I canceled.

"I-uh. The wedding was called off." I feel more tears come to my eyes. He doesn't even day a word before jumping into my arms in a hug.

"Shit, Ki.. I'm so sorry. What happened?" He asks and let's me snuggle with him.

"We were at my party and I found her there with her ex and, basically, she's been cheating on me. She doesn't love me." I start sobbing and screaming. I can tell Sam is starting to cry too.

"I love you." Sam starts and I feel my heart race softly. Does he reall- "The guys love you, the fans, your family, my family, you've got us, babe." He slips out a pet name.

"But none of you are the love of my life." I lie. Sam is.

Tick tock. Tick. Tick. Tock.

I look up to see Sam staring at his bed sheets. "Was she?" He asks quietly, not looking up at me.

I scoff. Of course not.

"Well obviously. Who else could it be?" I laugh quietly and he adds in a short and fake laugh.

"I understand." He says softly.

No he doesn't. He doesn't know what its like. He's never been in love.

"I am currently." He mumbles and starts to blush. Shit, did I say th-? Wait.. Sam is in love?! With who?!

"Wait, who?" I squeal like a little girl, maybe its me. Just maybe.

"Oh, uh. Its not important. He doesn't love me back.." He mumbles and looks down at himself. "Its okay though because I don't love me either."

I feel my heart compulse at his words.

"How could he not love you? How can you not love you?" I say, genuinely bewildered.

"Kiki, can we just forget about it and cuddle for a, little bit? I wanna take a nap." He sticks his bottom lip out and I hold myself from kissing it.

"Definitely, Sammers." I slip off my shoes while he adjusts the bed elevation and moments later I'm snuggles up with a snoring angel. I've never loved him more.

a/n literally the shortest chapter in this book // many sincere apologies // but I tried a new writing style??? Was it okay or??

xoxo, h

ps I only did this bc autophobia hasn't been updated