Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Teacher-Student Romance Robert Downey Jr.)

Dreaming Out Loud.

The room is dark. 

So dark, I see nothing as I try to open my eyes.I'm so tired that my body protests as I start to move. But it is notjust my own that keeps me from moving. As I lift my head ever soslightly, I realize the other body that is intertwined with mine. Myhead rests on a firm chest and my face is pressed against bare skin.Legs are barely able to part and arms are wrapped around me,something laying on top of my head. The chin doesn't move, as I tryto lift my head again. The other body keeps me steady, right where Iam. In a warm embrace, I lay still, breathing against familiar scentssurrounding me in the darkness. Without hesitation, my eyelids closeand I let myself wander back into the deep haze I just came out of.It feels utterly comfortable. A hot breath is forming every twoseconds above my hair, making it's way over the back of my neck, downmy spine. I don't know anything. Right in this moment, I knownothing. There is a void, except this body against me, with me,forming with mine, into one. Leaving nothing but warmth and anatmosphere that shields us from the rest of the world.

Why can't it be like that? I wish that it would be like that, staylike that. I don't want this to come to an end. But the world keepsspinning around.

In this beautiful daze I exist, I live, I breathe.

Until I wake up.

My eyes are fully open now and somehow my mind is cured from thetoxic fog that had embraced it. I see clearly. But most importantly,I feel clearly. As I move, I feel him slowly waking up, gettingripped out of the same place I just came from.

His voice is raspy and sounds exactly like you'd imagine a mantalking in his morning voice. Deep, rough and nothing more than awhisper.

"Stay in bed."

Three words. So unconscious of their meaning, he rolls against me andwithout hesitation, he presses his sleep dry lips against mine. I amnot awake enough to fully comprehend the situation, so I just staythere, accepting his sleepy kiss.

His stubble is scratching against my chin, as he moves away andcaresses my hair, just to put another soft kiss on my forehead.

Downey wraps his arms around me again and exhales heavily as he formsus into the same position we were a couple of seconds ago.

How can something so wrong for me, feels so utterly right?

In that moment, I just wish things were different. Or something wouldchange, to my advantage. Why did everything happen like it did? Whydoes everything have to be so complicated? And why doesn't it seemlike that when I'm with him. When his embrace is shielding me fromthe world and his kisses are fighting away all the horrible memories.Right there, nothing is even remotely complicated. It is all figuredout, all is right, all is good.

I am so tired of this place. How everything seems to be so hard. Itried to resist, but I still want it all.

Somehow all the memories are coming back to me. The first time I sawhim... I have to chuckle as I think about that time.

How I was so shocked a teacher...oh, professor, sorry, couldtalk to me like that. How the sparks flew the moment he leaned overmy table, giving me one of his famous looks or when he pressed meagainst his car. That ridiculously hilarious time had to bail him outof prison. The first time we kissed right in that elevator. Howinappropriate his pick-up lines were. The first time we had sex. Thattime he crashed my family dinner and somehow got himself invited tomy house afterwards. In the middle of the night when he drove to myhouse to let us have our own prom.

All of these memories running through my mind. But not just thememories. Also how his skin feels under my fingertips. The way hiseyelids flutter when I press my lips against his neck. How I couldnever get tired of his lips against mine or his voice next to my ear.The way he looks in the morning, in the night, the way he looks. Theway his eyes look at me, how they seem to talk only to me. Saying somuch in one blink. Leaving me breathless, full of ideas or warmth.

When we talk, I feel accepted. I feel listened to. There is somethingin the way he speaks to me that I only have with him. As if he valueswhat I say, yet he would never change his own opinion if he thinksdifferently.

How his clothes seem to fit him perfectly, always showing off theright parts. The way he takes off his sunglasses and plays aroundwith it, when he is bored. Grinning, when he knows he said somethinginappropriate, yet mostly staying serious when he said somethingfunny. Keeping a straight face in the weirdest moments. The way hecould literally pick me up when I fall. Or that I know he'd neverraise his hand or hurt me. That I'm so utterly sure about his valuesand views on the world. Somehow he always seems like the earth isbelow his feet, even though he acts like an arrogant asshole.

How weak he can be in certain situations, how helpless. Yet he isn'tafraid to show passion or emotions when it is required. The fact thathe isn't easy or normal. That he has the mind of a seven year oldmost of the time, yet is so incredibly smart it makes me jealous.

How he is the first thing that comes to my mind, when I wake up. Orthe last one before I drift to sleep.

My heart aches when I think about the times we fought. Wheneverything went wrong. The time he told me everything in that littlediner across the street. How heartbroken he sounded with the lump inhis throat. Does he even know, that I can't let go?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the dark. But if I had to stay in thedarkness, I'd rather do it in his arms. And the sad thing is that wehave been here before. I've replayed it so often, it is burned in theback of my mind. I can't love him in the dark. And we are running outof time, everything changes. It is like we just can't help ourselves.Cause we don't know how to let go. How to back down.

There is just too much that happened between us. Too much that can'tbe forgotten. We've poured or hearts out so many times.

I want to sleep next to him. I want to hold his hand. Come home tohim. Trust him with my heart. I want him to talk me down. But somehowthere is so much weight on us. And my heart just can't seem to liftit. Everything seems to be too hard.

I just can't go back that easily.

My mind is racing with all these thoughts. Happy moments, sadmoments, funny times, frightening times. Like a river they arefloating through my veins. Running in my blood. Intoxicating me fromwithin.

His breath is like a steady rhythm, keeping me from going crazy rightthere in his arms. His breath smells exactly how I remember it. Andright in that moment, it is all I want surrounding me. I neednothing, but the feeling of his body against mine, his scent aroundme and the air that I breathe. Right here in the gloomy dark of therising morning, he is everything I need to live. He brings his heartand I bring my soul. Stepping into his unknown. I want the way hisbody moves towards me, from across the room.

I want every single piece of him. His storms, his oceans and hisheavens, too.

Fall into his gravity.

If I could fly... Just leave it all behind and live in a world wherenothing speaks against-

Fly....Oh no. Our plane!