Working Love

26

I ran out after James snapped us out of it. I can't believe James, my best friend, was in love with me. To top it off, we almost had sex. His kisses really didn't effect me like Ethan's, but I could decently feel his feelings behind them. He loved me, god only knows since when, but I can't return those feelings. At the moment, I needed to focus on finding Ethan and trying to fix all the mistakes that I have done. I drove until I finally reach where I needed to be.

I stopped outside the restaurant that his mom said he would be at. She wasn't happy to hear from me, but she was happy to know I was trying to fix things with her son. I looked at my reflection in the restaurant window. My hair was a little messed up, but it still looked okay. I took a deep breath and stepped in. The moment I did the hostess practically perked up at the sight of me.

"Welcome! How can I help you?" The overly flirty red head smiled at me. She batted her lashes, and tried to smile seductively.

"Just a table at the bar." She showed me to the bar, and told me to call her if I needed anything. I order a water, I didn't need anymore alcohol tonight. I had to sober up a little more so that I was in the right state of mind to speak to Ethan.

I heard laughing coming from a few tables down. I looked over, and found them. He was sitting with that Adam guy, and about four other guys. They seemed to be having fun. I haven't seen him smile like that in a while. The fact that it wasn't me making him smile hurt me. But the fact that I almost cheated on him with James? that killed me. I really haven't change, and it was scary to think that I may never be worthy of Ethan. But I wanted to try.

I moved closer so that I could hear them, but not so close they could see me.  I sat at an empty booth just a few tables across from them. I saw him drinking a mixed drink, something that he normally dosen't do. Especially not since what almost happened the last time that he almost had a drink. Is he trying to get drunk?

"So Ethan? What have you and Adam been up to?" That caught my interest. I looked straight at them, not carrying if I got caught. I could see his friends giving them these weird looks that weren't helping my anxiety at the moment.

"What do you mean?" His nose twitch, he's hiding something. Something in my stomach was telling me to leave.

"Well you've been hanging out a lot more." I didn't even know about this guy until just today. I can't even remember if he attended the bachelor party or even the wedding. How long have they even known each other?

"Yeah. You two finally an item?" I felt my fist clench at my side, my blood was boiling. I saw him look at Adam, and Adam blush. My knuckles were starting to turn white from how strongly I was clemching my fist.

"Guys stop! You know he's married." I saw a sad look cross his eyes. The Bastard does like him! Only and idiot wouldn't be able to see the honey dripping from his eyes as he looked at Ethan. 

"So? From what we've heard they haven't been together in a long time." Can I punch them all till they die? Someone please say yes.

"How did you guys even hear about that?" At least it looks like Ethan hasn't been talking about us. 

"Come on man. Your husband is The Carter McClain. Dude can't even sneeze without the tabloid knowing about it. You've been on a few of those yourself." Really? Even I didn't know about that. Then again, since marrying him I haven't really checked them. I was no lomger intertes in what the public had to say to me, because the only opinions that mattered to me was those of the people in my life. And those weren't good at the moment.

"Please don't remind me. The one about my being in a medical comma really freaked me out." He shivered and took a drink. Is that how he felt this whole time? Did being with me really bother him this much? I never even knew about the tabloids. If I did I would have found a way to stop them. If I knew they bothered him this much I would have done something about it.

"That's why we're saying you should stick with Adam. You guys make a cute couple. You even said your last few dates were really nice." And that did it. Here I am freaking about almost losing him, twice! And he's been going out on dates?!

They started laughing, but it died down when I stepped in front of them. I kept my face as stoic as possible, to not show how pissed I was. But I know they could tell. Ethan looked like he'd just seen a ghost, and I think the others just shit themselves. I mean, I have gained more muscle. And with my pissed off stance, I must look pretty fucking terrifying.

"Carter!"

"Holly shit dude! You are ripped as fuck! Did you eat a freaking gym?!" I shot the guy a look, and he shut the hell up.

"Carter. W-what are you doing here?" I saw Adam trying to keep his cool, but it wasn't working for him.

"So while I've been freaking out about losing you, twice! I might add. You've been going around behind my fucking back, and seeing him?!" I point to Adam and he cowards back. At this point the whole restaurant is quiet and watching us. But I didn't care. Everyone already viewed me as a fucked up man whore who only caused a scene. Why not just give them what they want.

"What are you talking about? Losing me twice?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I run my hand down my face in exasperation. "When you were in the hospital for almost a month. I stayed by your side, I never once left your side. Even when the doctors tried to make me leave to get rest at home, I didn't. I changed so much about myself, to be with you. Did you know I even started taking classes to study business? I planned to take over for the old man when he retires. Something I never dreamed of doing, until I met you. I made one possible mistake, and you act as if it already happened! We don't even know if the baby is even mine! Katherina has been with other guys besides me. But that doesn't matter does it? Because I'm The Carter McClain. The guy who always seems to fuck everything up." At this point I was shaking. My fist were clenched at my side, and I was so close to breaking down. I looked at Ethan, and I wanted nothing more than to shake some fucking sense into him. 

"Carter. I'm so-" He tried to stand up and touch me, but I jumped back from his touch. I saw the hurt in his eyes. It's the second time I've rejected his touch. But it didn't feel right to touch him.

"Maybe this was all a mistake."

"What?" I saw regret, pain and fear in his eyes. He had tears running down his cheeks, but at the moment I didn't care. I always thought Ethan would be the one to give me the benefit of the doubt, and not judge me like the others. He was my only form of light in the darkness, and now I can't seem to find his light. I looked at my wedding band, and it felt like it was burning me. I took it off, and placed it on the table. I saw more tears pouring from his eyes, but I wasn't going to change my mind. This all happened way too fast, and we weren't ready for it. "Carter, please no! I'm sorry!" He tried to reach me again, but I wouldn't let him. With one last look, I walked away. Away from the only person I felt could save me. The only person who shared a light similar to my mother's. I should have known better. A guy like me, I could never be happy. It wasn't in the cards for me. Ethan needs someone like him. Maybe Adam is a better match for him.

I ignored the cries from Ethan for me to come back. I didn't even look back when I walked out the door. I simply stuck my hands in my pocket and walked away. Away from everything. I got into my car, and drove away from the restaurant. I didn't even bother to see if he had followed me out. I just needed to get away, but I had no where to go to. I couldn't go to my dad's, he wouldn't understand. Ethan's parents would definitely kill me. And I can't go to James. Now that I know his feelings, and that I can't return them, I can't possibly hurt him anymore than I've already have.

"I guess this is it." I make my way towards the house, and sit in my car for a while just staring at the big empty house. After a while I get out and make my way inside and into my room. I pack a few bags once I get there. I leave everything else behind. I open the door to the room I once shared with Ethan. Neither one of us has slept here in a while. The memories hurt to much. I shut the door, and walked away. I put the bags into the trunk of my car, and drove to the nearest bank.

After withdrawing every last cent in my accounts, I cut my cards and tossed them in the trash. I started heading for the highway, but stopped at a park and pulled out my phone. I could call and say good bye, but I decided not to. I need to leave everything, and everyone behind. "Good bye." I tossed the phone into the trash, and hopped back into the car. I don't know where I'm going, but I have a feeling I'll know when I get there.