The Shadows of Royalty

Jamie's Christmas Letter to Santa

Get prepared...for this Christmas Bonus.......Read on

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To: Santa's personal home in the North Pole's junkyard

From: Jamie *.*

Dear Santa Claus,

First of all, why the hell do you call yourself that? Claus? As in claws or klaus in the Vampire Diaries/The Originals? He is way cooler than you by the way, so stop being this wannabe loner. Never mind, I remembered that you use that nick name to spear yourself  the embarrassment of your true lame name....Saint Nicholas. Are you truly a saint? Because you seemed to forget to send me a Christmas present, despise the 10 page Christmas Wish list I sent you, or rather any present! (Ignore the errors in my grammar and dialect, but then I can care less because my English Language Arts professor won't be seeing this) Let's go back for the true reason of why I am writing to you. This is just the introductory.

You probably are surprised that I have written to you. Last year, I had asked you for a play station 4 from the human world, but your little jack-o-lantern reindeer ass couldn't go to the nearest human shop or super centers like this store I googled called Walmart? This weird named store, Walmart, had a 25% off discount! You could have also gone to this store called Target, the one with the red arrow target of a blind dog.... Or Sam's club, where it seems to be a bar or rather a nightclub for Sam, a man I suspect to be a drunken, but they still had a God Damn PlayStation 4!!!!!

Bloody hell. You are a true abomination. All my friends claim that you are a legend and myth. A fake story told to little gullible children. But, you, every-year had given me all the presents I wanted on my Christmas wish list. But to find out that last year you have betrayed me and did not even send a hundred dollar bill or something, you broke my heart. I, a 14 year old grown man, was made fun of because I still believed in you! Mark my words, you nut cracker, if this year I don't get double presents as redemption for last year, I will hunt you down and cut your little elves in that stupid workshop. Actually, I will bring the laser blaster addition 4.0 (The real laser blaster you got me when I was 12) and aim it at one of your elves, and plant a bomb in your little house, and make you explode since you don't seem to care about me. But I'll make sure to save, Mrs. Claus and your lovely daughter, Ms. Claus (Wink.. Wink...) Btw, I am not that violent!

This year, you will get me, 400 American dollars; go rob the Grim Reaper's infamous Scythe, a brand new laptop (Since this chic stole mine), this popular old movie called The Interview (The one where this dude and his friend go to Korea. That one :), a PlayStation 4, some Calvin Klein Underwear with my name written on the back of it...JAMIE...... These are just the basics. For redemption because of last year, I need you to pick up a, or rather to summon Archangel Michael or Gabriel( one of them, it doesn't matter) and jump them ,stuff them in your red bag, since you seemed incapable of stuffing a hot redhead chic with you down the chimney last year, and deliver them to me. I will bribe the angels and they will send me one hot redhead in return. Just make sure you don't tell Rachel, alright?

In conclusion, if you forget to stuff your little obese ass down the chimney this year, in my dorm, beware I will be coming for you. By the way, you trying to replicate Nicki Minaj's arse is a failure. Don't forget to blow your daughter, Ms. Claus, a kiss. Tell her that her pictures on Instagram were on fleek, and if you want you can stuff her down the chimney with you to my dorm, if she was being a naughty girl! Heed my warning, Sir, because I can charm my way inside your house and beat you up. Don't forget that I was being very civil with you in this letter, so yeah.  I forgot... I will also get my shot gun and wait till I see your reindeers take off, and shoot each and every  one, until your sleigh crashes down! (I will just spare you Rudoph, since it seems like he has a cold, due to his red nose. He can then infect your Elves.)

PS: I also think that you are a pedophile who stares at little girls and boys sleep during the night, while you're trying to chug yourself down that chimney. Why don't you just pic pocket the front doors of each home? Trust me, it will save you time.

Best Wishes,

-Jamie  Avery :>

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(Signs) A 14 year old still believes in Santa and writing him a letter...just wow. 

Sorry if you felt a little uncomfortable reading this, but you can't do anything, this is Jamie. 

Good news, I won't be going on that trip I talked about yesterday due to the lack of snow in the USA.....

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, and as well Happy Hanukkah!  

Yours Truly, 

Grace *.*