Life At Its Finest (Brother's Bestfriend)

Study Study Study

I had absolutely no clue what to do. I didn't want to stay inside my house all night wide awake. Having been a school night I knew I shouldn't go out but I began feeling trapped in that house. I had never felt like that before. I loved my house. I never liked leaving but now somehow I just wanted out. Being stuck there was making me restless. The clock said one in the morning. I had been grieving for this long?
Pathetic.

I gave up on finding a place to go and just left, locking the door behind me. I walked with my arms wrapped around myself. This feeling was getting the best of me. With shaking arms I recalled memories in the past when I felt like this. I was sad and scared when I was little but we had that taken care of then. When medicine was too much I stopped and all was left was this empty feeling inside. This feeling that would never go away.

Those sad thoughts hadn't crossed my mind in years. I was okay, I knew I'd be okay. I just could never stand the feeling of an ache with emptiness. I just wanted to go away. Before I had those thoughts I didn't realize that was exactly what I was doing.

I was going away right? For the night. I didn't know where my feet were leading me but I ended up in front of a deserted house. Around it, there was a trashed lake. It was dirty and gross but with the reflection of the full moon it made me feel beautiful.

Before I could stop it, thoughts of Mark filled me and I suddenly felt better than him. He had fooled me, he made me think he was just so great. It was quick, the conversation I had with Cheyenne. He made me feel stupid. He made me feel like a toy, and that was exactly how he treated me.

I laughed out loud after having a seat at the waters edge, at myself. Was I seriously about to make the same mistake twice? Some people never learn, and I never thought of myself as one of those people. It made me feel slightly shameful. I had always had pride in my pocket and a smile on my face. Mark almost defeated me. But he won the other battles.
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"Just a little bump in the road," I said to myself quietly, tracing the outlines of the gravel in the sand. And that's exactly what it was, a small bother. It should be over it soon. There was just something lingering in the back of my mind. It drove me crazy but I couldn't figure out what it was.

...

I was finally aware of the vibration that went on in my pocket. Rubbing my eyes and letting out a yawn, I pulled out my phone. Xavier was calling. Why would he be-

I hopped up immediately and realized I wasn't home. I was itchy all over and covered in sand. Dizziness filled my head and I fell back down with a loud groan. It hurt. "Hello..." I answered with a voice that didn't sound much like mine.

"Macy? Is that you? Where are you I've been calling all morning, what happened are you okay? Where the hell are you??" Xavier was ranting worriedly and I felt guilty. How did I fall asleep so easily? I wasn't even comfortable. Since I ceased my craving to leave the house I immediately wanted to go home and just go to sleep feeling clean and safe. Shower, I needed a shower.

"Xav, sh. I'm- I'm fine, I'm sorry I was asleep..." I said scratching at my itchy legs.

I heard him sigh in relief in the background. "Where are you?" Worry still peaked through in his voice.

I was quiet for a while and I gathered my mind, trying to remember where I had walked to. But I couldn't remember. I'm not even sure I had payed any attention. "I... I don't know." The sorrow in my voice couldn't be contained. What kind of thing had I let myself do? What day is it? I was probably missing school right then.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Xavier began yelling in frustration. I flinched, he didn't yell at me much only when I annoyed him, which was rare. But I know he was just worried.