What About Now

Chapter 32 - Is It The Right Decision?

Taylor's P.O.V.
"What's wrong, hun?" I asked, watching as Ben closed the kitchen door behind him. His face was grave, and his eyes had lost their brightness from earlier this morning.

"I, um," He stammered, leaning against the breakfast bar, "I've just received a call from work."

"Okay...?" I said slowly. A hunch started to form in my mind, but I frantically pushed it away.

"They need me to go back to Paris," He whispered, looking up at me with hurt eyes.

"What? But you just got here!" I couldn't believe this. He had literally been here for like, six and a half hours, and he was already leaving. What about what he had said to his boss? That if he wasn't allowed to spend Christmas with me, then he would leave his job.

"I don't like this anymore than you do," Ben sighed, drumming his fingers on the table, "But I don't have a choice. If I don't go back, then they'll fire me!"

"But you told me that you were already planning to leave your job if they didn't let you come see me!" I cried, throwing my hands up. I was careful to keep my voice down slightly, so the others couldn't hear us, but they had the tele on in the living room anyway, so they would only hear us if they were right outside the door.

"Look Taylor, I can't help this!" Ben snapped, catching me by surprise, "I came here to surprise you didn't I? At least you've seen me! I can't always be here for you. I've got to work as much as you have to, so don't be selfish! Did I complain about you coming to work here in England for a whole year? No, I didn't!"

"Ben! We've been engaged now for eight months, and I haven't seen you!" I shouted back, tears pooling in my eyes, "Do you even want to get married, Ben?"

"Of course I want to get married," He sighed, clearly tired of this conversation.

"Really? Because it seems to me that the only thing you're interested in marrying is your job!" Tears poured from my eyes, and no matter how much I looked at him, Ben would not make eye contact with me. I pressed my back to the wall, and we stood there in silence for a moment. All I could hear were my quiet sniffles, shaky breaths, and the tele and laughter from the living room.

"Ben," I said quietly, wiping my face with my hand, "You've got to let me know if you want there to be an 'us', okay? Because I'm not going to spend the next year of my life waiting for you to make up your mind. I've got enough to deal with at the moment, with my job ending in March, and with the important decisions I need to make, and- "

"Whoa, wait a second," Ben interrupted, "What do you mean 'important decisions'?"

"I mean, what do I do when my job ends, and I get transferred back to New York?" I burst, "If you paid any attention to my life Ben, you'd realise that it doesn't just evolve around waiting for your calls!"

"So are you telling me that you might not even come back to New York?" He spat, "What, would you rather spend it out here with Thomas?"

"What? What are you talking about?" I caught my breath, shocked at what he'd just said.

"Oh quit the act, Taylor!" Ben growled, "We all know you're not the innocent girl you pretend to be. Although, I'm sure Thomas knows that you're not an innocent little girl. I've seen how the pair of you act when you're around each other! You spend more time with him than you do with me! It wouldn't actually hurt you to get on a train or a plane, and come and see me! But no, I'm sure you'd much rather spend it in Thomas' bedroom!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I exclaimed, "There's nothing going on with me and Thomas!"

"Oh you can stop playing now, Taylor!" He shouted, pointing at the door, "It's obvious that all you want to do is hang around him! And it's clear that's not all you do with him! Well, why don't you? I'm not stopping you!" Ben marched towards the kitchen door, swung it open and stalked right through it, slamming it shut as he passed. I burst into tears; my hands clasped over my face as I sunk with my back against the wall, to the floor. My knees were brought up to my chest, and I sat there alone.