What About Now

Chapter 51 - Let Him Go

Thomas' P.O.V.
"Come on! Why won't you bloody work?" I growled, furiously flicking the switch on the kettle up and down. But still there was no power. Giving up, I threw my arm down in frustration and accidentally knocked my mug onto the floor. It shattered to pieces on the tiled floor and I screamed out in frustration.

"Oh my God, seriously?" I bent down and began to scoop the mess up. But as I picked up the last piece of china, I caught my finger on its sharp edge and it sliced a deep cut into my skin.

"Ah!" I shouted in pain, dropping whatever china I'd picked up and taking a close look at my finger. Blood was flowing down my finger, and just the sight of it made me feel dizzy. I got up hurriedly and ran for the sink. I could hear the cracking under my shoes as I stepped on the rest of the mug, but I didn't care.

After I'd ran my finger under the cold tap until my entire hand was numb, I looked back at the mess I'd made in the kitchen. Rubbish and crockery littered the kitchen units, and cupboards had been left hanging open. Groaning, I left the kitchen and headed for the bathroom. Despite the fact that I was alone in my flat, I slammed the door shut behind me as I entered, and threw open the cabinet above the sink in search for a bandage. I knocked several bottles and boxes into the sink as I frustratedly rummaged through the contents of the shelves, but regardless of the fact that I was turning the place inside out, I continued looking for the bandages. My hands finally came across the small box but when I opened them in a rush to stop my finger from bleeding, the box was empty.

"Bloody hell!" I threw the box at the floor and brought a hand up to my head. The pain from the cut was making me feel giddy, and I reached out for the sink with my free hand to balance myself. Nothing was going well for me. It felt as if someone was plotting against me; making everything I do go wrong. I was sick of crying - crying never got me anywhere - and there was nowhere for me to go and nothing for me to do to take my mind off of things. But despite all these thoughts, and despite my efforts in telling myself to man up, I cried. Now leaning all my weight on the sink, I closed my eyes tight shut to try and stop the tears from falling. But it was all too much. I'd already lost her once and now this. I couldn't have lost her again. I was angry at myself for not having told her about me and Molly earlier on. I should have spoken to her in America. I shouldn't have let that git, Ben take her. It was my own fault that she had been taken from me, and it was now my fault that she was with some guy who clearly doesn't love her like he should. Taylor deserved so much more than that, and whatever she saw in that guy I certainly couldn't see.

Giving up on my search for even a plaster, I dragged myself to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed. Without even thinking as to what I was doing, I took my headphones from my desk and placed them over my head. I hit shuffle on my music and closed my eyes, trying as best as I could to forget it all.

Every night I remember that evening
The way you looked when you said you were leaving
The way you cried as you turned to walk away

The cruel words and the false accusations
The mean looks and the same old frustrations
I never thought that we'd throw it all away
But we threw it all away.

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye

I knew there were tears in my eyes, but I wouldn't give in to them. I let the words of the song hit me like a storm, and I let them carry me off in a hurricane of my own thoughts. But by the third verse I'd had enough. Angrily, I tore my headphones from my head and dumped them at the end of my bed. Right now I really needed some silence.