What About Now

Chapter 37 - How Can I?

Taylor's P.O.V.
So yes, Sydney had given birth to her daughter. Of course I was relieved that she wasn't still pregnant at the time of the crash, but I just wished that she'd stayed in the hospital or at least called me to tell me beforehand. Then I could have told her to stay in the hospital, and that I would bring Teddy and Mia to see her. She wouldn't have died then... That night, once I'd said goodbye to my sister, Thomas and I were told we had to leave Sam to rest. I refused to go back to the waiting room and be that far from Sydney, so I collapsed on the floor outside the hospital room with my back up against the wall. I pressed my head back and looked down the corridor where Thomas was. He was speaking to Dylan on the phone; pacing the corridor up and down as he did. I occasionally caught him look up at me for a moment, before he ran a hand through his hair and returned to his call. Sighing, I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on them. It felt as if every cell in my body ached, and I was tired of crying. My eyelids suddenly felt droopy, and the last thing I remembered before I fell asleep was the feeling of someone wrap their arm over my shoulders.

We spent that night at the hospital, in case there was any further trouble with Sam. When I woke in the morning, Thomas was still sat beside me on the floor. I could feel his arm around my waist and I buried my head further into his shoulder. It was bloody freezing sat on this floor! I faintly heard Thomas chuckle, and my eyes slowly opened.

"Hey," He said gently, smiling a little as I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked about us. At first I was slightly shocked as to why I was in a hospital corridor, but then the memories all came back to me and I remembered.

"You okay?" Thomas asked, watching me as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"I guess," I muttered, sitting up and feeling something fall from my shoulders. Confused, I looked down to see Thomas' jumper.

"Thomas!" I gasped, looking back to see he was wearing only a t-shirt, "What were you thinking? You'll freeze!" I placed my hand on Thomas' arm. It was cold as ice.

"Thomas, you're frozen!" I cried, picking up the jumper and hurriedly holding it out for him

"I'm fine," He shrugged, giving me a small smile, "You were shivering in your sleep."

"Thomas, you need to put this on!" I insisted, collecting the jumper up in my hands and pulling it over Thomas' head.

"But I want you to be warm!" He protested, clasping his hands over mine to prevent me from putting the jumper on him any further.

"Thomas, I'm fine," I said sternly, looking him in the eye, "Please, just put it on!" Sighing, he gave in and pulled the jumper over his top.

"Happy?" He smirked.

"Happy," I nodded, leaning forward into a crouching position and standing up.

About an hour later, we were let into Sam's room in order to see if he was recovering well. I couldn't help but notice the now empty and clean bed that stood on the opposite side of the room. My eyes filled with tears again, but I pushed them away. Once we'd checked on Sam, and he had insisted that he was okay, we got in the car to head back to the house. When we arrived, I was instantly attacked with a hug from Kaya. That in itself brought more tears to my eyes, as I hugged everybody who came to see us, but the thing that pained me the most was when I looked up over Bella's shoulder, I could see the four kids stood by the door. I had to tell them. But how could I do that? Mia was ten, and Teddy was only seven! Would they understand? These questions rushed through my head as I took the pair of them aside in their bedroom and sat them down on the bed.

There were tears pouring down my own face as I told them what had happened. It took me a couple of tries in order to get the words out, but when I did Mia instantly burst into tears, covering her face with her small hands. At first, Teddy didn't seem to understand, but I could already see the tears as I told him again, showing me that he understood. That was the most painful part I think for me - seeing the kids break down when they heard that they had lost their mother. It instantly brought back the emotions that I was feeling when I heard about my parents, but I couldn't imagine how tough it was for them. After all, I was sixteen and they are only ten and seven. Not able to take the pain out on my own again, I pulled the two of them into my arms and held them tightly. There was no way, on this earth, that I was ever letting these two out of my sight again. For their sake. For their dad's sake. For Sydney's sake.