What About Now

Chapter 45 - Desperation

Taylor's P.O.V.
"Sorry to bother you," I repeated for like the hundredth time, "I'm looking for my fiancé and I have forgotten which his room is." I always got the same 'No worries' reply, before the door was slammed shut in my face. I was now on level four, room 245, and there were still four floors to go. Desperate, and out of breath, I collapsed against the cold brick wall and lowered myself down to the ground. I pressed my hands to my forehead, and clutched them into fists.

"Ben where are you?" I groaned with agitation. He had to be here somewhere. To my right a door suddenly opened, and I could hear a woman's voice, followed by a low chuckle that echoed through the corridor. I tilted my head to look their way and I watched on as a woman in a black dress stepped out from one of the rooms and waved to whoever else was in the room. A tall figure of a man in a suit emerged from the doorway and after pecking her on the cheek, waved her goodbye as she walked in the direction opposite to me. I squinted my eyes in concentration when I noticed the man turn and look in my direction. Thankfully I was sat within a crevice to the wall, so he couldn't see me as I watched him look long and hard to his left, and then his right before returning to his room. But there had been something about him. Something that had looked familiar.

Curious, I pulled myself up onto my feet and walked towards that room. There was definitely something about that guy that seemed familiar, and as I neared the door a sudden feeling of nausea began to grow in the pit of my stomach. If that had been Ben - and it definitely had looked like him from where I was sat - then who was that woman? What was she doing with my fiancé? Swallowing down my fear, I approached the clean oak door and knocked loudly. I heard a faint chuckle on the other side that I knew all too well, and the voice when it came sent alarm bells ringing inside my head.

"Back for more so soon?" The voice laughed. I heard the clicking sound of a lock, and the door swung open only to reveal Ben.

"Taylor!" He cried, obviously startled. His voice was laced with fear as he took in my appearance, and it was clear that he had been expecting somebody else. Probably thinking that I noticed this, Ben cleared his throat and changed his expression of shock to anger.

"You'd better have a good reason for coming here," He spoke harshly to me, "Otherwise I'll call reception and have security come and fetch you." His words cut like shards of glass into my heart, and I dug my nails deeply into the palms of my hands as I withstood my urge to cry.

"Ben, please can I talk to you about this?" I asked calmly, "Please? I need you to know that I had absolutely no intention of-"

"Sleeping with Thomas?" He growled, "Because that is clearly the message I got!" His sarcasm hurt, and pushed me one step closer to completely breaking down.

"Ben, I would have never done that! I swear!" I said hurriedly, "I was drunk at the time, and I didn't know what I was doing. It was Thomas who had carried me into the bedroom - it wasn't even my idea, Ben! I protested against it, but Thomas insisted. Ask Kaya or Dylan! They were there!" I looked desperately into Ben's eyes, but he just kept his sharp glare. He stood there for only a brief moment, almost looking as if he were going to reconsider my points, but something in his eyes changed, and he straightened his back before talking to me again.

"Taylor, I do not care what you say anymore. I have half a mind to call security and have them deal with you, and half a mind to go round to Thomas' flat and knock him out cold! But the point is, that I don't love you anymore. I could never forgive you for what you did, and that's final." I had only just processed his words when his front door came to a crashing close just in front of my face.

"Ben," I croaked, but hardly any noise came out of my mouth. Instead it was more of a hopeless gasp for air, with just the slightest hint of his name. My body became weak, and even as I slowly brought my hand to the door I knew I wouldn't be able to knock it loud enough. It felt as if my body had been drained of anything good and happy, and as I slowly walked down that lonely corridor the tears silently fell in time to my footsteps.

It was raining as I left the hotel. The cold water soaked through my coat and through to my clothes, and I felt the hairs on my arms stand on end as it touched my skin. My hair was already drooping down my front by the time I had hailed a taxi, and small droplets of water fell from its ends as I slumped into the seat in the car, soaking my lap. I stared distantly out the misted window; watching the raindrops fall motionlessly down its pane. London passed us in a foggy blur, and it seemed that just as soon as I had gotten into the taxi, I was getting out of it.

The driver wasn't friendly like the previous one, and he angrily hurried me for the money I owed him. Huffing until I had handed him the very last of my change, he grunted a final goodbye and sped off into the darkness. I hadn't realised how dark it was already getting, despite it being mid-afternoon, and I missed my footing a couple of times on the steps as I approached the flats. I hadn't said a word since I'd spoken with Ben, and the deafening silence followed me on up the stairs. There were so many unanswered questions that circulated my brain over and over again, as if they were on a constant loop, and it seemed that the quieter it became in the world around me, the louder my thoughts became until it became almost unbearable. Clasping my hands over my ears, I started running up the stairs. My wet boots squelched on the polished floor as I approached the next floor, but came to a stop when my eyes connected with the door opposite me.

Anger suddenly overwhelmed me like a tidal wave, and I ran for the door. I banged the door with my fist, causing deafening echoes to bounces off the grey walls. But I didn't care how much noise I made. I continued to hit the door with my hands, and the tears of anger now shot from my eyes like bullets. It was useless. Giving up, I pressed my forehead to the door and sobbed in the dark. My shoulders shook, and I brought my hands up to my face. However, I soon wished I'd left the door alone altogether, because it was suddenly thrown open in front of me. I hurtled through the opening, and hit the carpeted ground with a painful smack. Pain erupted in my nose and head, and on instinct I wrapped my arms over my head in an effort to reduce the pain.

"Oh my god, Taylor!" A voice gasped above me. I heard the door shut, and within seconds somebody was on me, pulling me over onto my back to see my face.

"Taylor, Taylor it's me. Are you okay?" The voice asked in a rushed tone. I felt a pair of hands take mine in theirs and pull them away from my face. I squinted in the sudden burst of light that met my eyes, but a shadow leaned over me and covered the light from my sight. My vision cleared, and I was suddenly face to face with the last person I wanted to see. Thomas.