Ravann

Rehan's Redemption.

That was a clear lost battle for Ravann but yet the war was not finished. The pain was still inside. I don't know how hard I try. How much I do it. But why it is not going away. It is stitched with me forever, maybe. But I can't be the same whole life.

Anyway, Akruti did seem interested in me. Maybe she was interested in something else. The way she looked into my eyes was really something else. I know I'm charming and impressive in first impression. I'm getting used to this.

I need to meet her again and let me get finished with this too. This is going to be great now!

Wait...

Shit!

What have I become?

This is the limit I always scared to cross.

My bestfriend's girlfriend? Kaushal has helped me through many situations and what am I doing with him? They are so perfect together and as always I'm here breaking the pair.

I'm so ashamed of myself right now. This whole Ravann thing has got me to this. I need to talk with Kaushal and tell him about this. I needed mental peace that's it. Maybe my regular habit smoking a cigarette will help, it always helps me through.

My hands were shivering. Sweat was rolling down on my forehead as I take a puff of cigarette. My lips were hardly opening.

I threw it and wiped my forehead. My hands still were shivering thinking about it. What have my instincts have taken me? This is the worst thing from me.

I went into the bar to drink some. I thought it would definitely help me as I always get proper help from that. I always prefer a particular bar in town. Like I like to build good contacts and what is better than if the bartender knows you.

"So, the regular as always?", Subhash grinned merrily at me.

"Yes.", I fumbled a little.

"What happened? You don't seem alright!", He asked kindly.

"No, actually I was thinking about my personality. What do you think about it?", This time I said with making eye contact with Subhash.

"You have very quintessence personality. Like nothing is lacking in you. You have got everything. Then what are complaining with?", Subhash gave me glass of water this time, "Sometimes change is needed.", He added.

I smiled.

"Umar jalwon main basar ho yeh zaruri to nahi,

Har shab-e-ghum ki sehar ho yeh zaruri to nahi

Sab ki nazron me ho saaqi yeh zaruri hai magar,

Sab pe saaqi ki nazar ho yeh zaruri to nahi"

Subhash was also a good shayar. We always enjoyed each others company in shayris.

After some refreshing mood, again same thoughts came in my mind. I decided to call it a day. It was getting late at night. I was not drunk today, which was the best thing I found in me that day. The whole day was wasted. I needed to think it over. I went home.

I crashed into the bed quickly.

How can I even think about it. This all started with Tanya and ended with me alone. I have spoiled many girls' lives and have scared them to death. They will never forgive me for this and maybe never will be able to forgive themselves too for ditching their loved ones. All because of me. All attitude has dissolved today. The great I was counting myself was actually for nothing. I have achieved nothing, not even self satisfaction.

But there is no way I can stop this. I'm out of control now.

I got up to go on the balcony and a photograph flipped out of my bed as I moved. It was of Janvi. The black and white photo of her I kept with me. God knows why I kept it. I threw it on the bed and continue walking. I stopped and turned back. I looked at the photograph and grabbed it.

I really liked her. Like never before, after Tanya. I was so broken and she was broken too! May be that is why we came closer. But I played really unfair to her. I let her go and came back like a loser. I really needed a girl like Janvi in my life. She was full of life. There was so much in her.

Because of her relationship she was spoilt.

Unsatisfied

Unloved

Unwanted

She was really broken.

I broke her again. I must get her back. But it was really late! She hates me too. I should never have called her boyfriend. Even I feel it was wrong. But all I did was for her can't she see that? Can't I get one more chance?

I have done so many wrong things in my life and now this! This will be cruel by nature, if I lose this one too!

Is there a way?

I don't see!

No way to get her back! It was just if I go to her place and convince her, but it was a flop plan. I just want her to hear me once and I would demolish the misunderstandings between us. But there was also no way for that. In short, I lost. Again. I lost again.

That is it. I lost again and this time it has gone greater than my guilt I hid all day.

Maybe this was fair to me as I have destroyed so many lives and now it was time to get destroyed mine. It was fair in this way. I deserved it.

I took the photo and threw it out of the balcony.

This had to be done long ago. I need to forget her and move on.

Ravann was still alive. I guess Rehan was lost somewhere from which it is difficult to return.

We all miss him once a day. Ravann was stronger, smarter, greater.

There was no way Rehan was coming now.

I can imagine going tomorrow on the streets the same way again.