#171- Jet Black Heart by 5SOS Song Preference
by bananashemmo on tumblr ( I keep on forgetting to update this BUT GUYS THE VIDEO WAS SO GOOD, 5sos did such amazing work with the music video its relatable at such personal level it is my favourite music video so far. Its a reminder that we are not alone even if each individuals has different situations but we are in this together)
Ashton: See a war I wanna fight it
See a match I wanna strike it
Every fire I've ignited
Faded to grey
Ashton's way of handling situations had escalated big time recently making him hurry out of the door just as soon as everything seemed to be too much for him. Even the smallest things he could find something difficult that he couldn't master. Brushing his teeth could even be too much for him and you barely saw him all day and at night, he was always out. It was starting to grow shady and it left you more and more puzzled by each time he did it. Shocking him wasn't your intent in the first place but when he had snuck out in the night and came back at 2am you were sitting in your nightgown with a curious look. You wanted to accuse him of anything but the look on his face told different than what you thought he had done. He was ready to burst into tears by any moment and you could see the clear red marks in his eyes that he had already done that action earlier. You imagined him running away as fast as he could to get away from you and the dilemma that was right in front of him but instead he took off his coat and positioned himself in front of you. He placed his cold hand against your cheek and caressed it for a bit before he tried to compose himself. "It's hard to see the enemy if you're looking at yourself, right?" He blurted and it startled you and left you even more confused than before. Ashton started to pace back and forth in front of you before he took off his beanie. "No matter what I do, I feel like I don't success at all." He announced and stood back in front of you. Even without saying it directly you could feel in his way of handling everything that this was more than just the normal tired of life phase. "Have you tried seeing a therapist?" You asked softly and Ashton shook his head with a sarcastic laugh while he sat on the chair in front of you. "So they can give me pills? I don't want pills to make me fake happy Y/N. I want myself to produce that." You nodded your head silently while looking at him with a sympathetic look. What could you say in this position? "I try to do so many things to make myself happy but all the colors just fade away. It's like my emotions are trapped and I have no idea how to express and get them out of the system." His hands ran through his hair frustrated and the before red eyes had now turned dark. "I just want to be happy. With you, with the band and with life." He sighed and looked over at you with a sad expression. You nodded your head once again and watched him as he approached you, placed his big hands on your cheeks and pressed his lips against yours with so much passion you were almost knocked off with breath. That was the only way he could express anything. And the only thing that made him feel okay for just a bit.
Luke: But now that I'm broken
Now that you know it
Caught up in a moment
Can you see inside?
Everything had happened so innocent. Almost like everything was taking out from a scene in a movie or like a nightmare that you couldn't get away from or wake up. You had entered the bathroom like you always did at night and did your usual routine with brushing your hair, cleaning your skin and brushing your teeth. Period cramps had been irritating you all day so to be smart you thought it would be great to take just one pill to make sure that it wouldn't turn violent over the night. When you opened the cupboards with medicine that was when it all happened and everything changed. When you grabbed the normal pack with painkillers your eyes spotted the small oval formed glass standing hiding next to yours and other medicine. Your eyebrows furrowed and you dropped your own medicine to the floor and reached out to see the it. Turning it around your hands ghosted over the name "Luke Robert Hemmings" inked black on the sticker that was placed from a doctor's order on it and that was when it hit you. A gasp escaped but it wasn't coming from you so you turned around to see Luke leaning his body against the doorframe to the bathroom with a devastated expression. His eyes were red and cheeks all fluffy as he tried his best to hold the emotions in. "Luke.." You said softly but it was a breaking point for him and a heartbreaking exhale came from his lips before he hurried out from the bathroom with eyes full of tears. You dropped the pills instantly and hurried out of the bathroom to see him cuddled up in the bed, horrific sobs coming from his mouth while he was clutching onto his pillow. The scene in front of you was almost enough for you to tear up yourself but you managed to get a hold of yourself and softly sat on the bed. You crawled over to Luke's side and wrapped your arm carefully around him which made him react instantly and turned around to rest his head against your chest while he sobbed. "It's not because of you I swear." He kept on repeating between sobs and exhales and you only shushed him to calm down. There was no need for speaking now. You knew that this wasn't because of you and it was totally okay for Luke to point that out. And even though there was a million questions running through your mind you stayed quiet and only held him closer to your heart. There was only one thing to do now and that was for him to calm down and admit things to you by himself instead of forcing him and it seemed to help him as he started to calm more down and when he stopped sobbing for once, he mumbled out, "I love you so damn much." It was a big relief for him. Not to have any more secrets behind your back and just let you fully inside of how he was actually feeling.
