A broken soul with one sentence

8. Amusements park?

After Adas visit I felt slightly better. I got to cry a lot, but I don't know if it's good or bad. I still felt empty. It's like my soul is in a shut down, leaving only my mind and body left.

Days later only around two weeks till the end of summer vacation, me and my family are going to a amusements park over the day. I was pretty excited even though I don't like walking around being outside all day, I'm a vampire after all. Well I do love to ride the big roller coasters, it's a thrill. One bad thing is that I can't have my phone with me, my life is with my phone and I don't want to lose it. So I put it in a locker in the amusements park. Though before that I had been sitting in a car for three hours, waiting to get to the park. I texted the guild chat that I would be unable for basically the whole day.

It was a very funny day, and sometimes I didn't even need to force my happiness. Me and my Dad rod the big roller coasters while Mom and my little sister rod the more middle sized once. Eating lunch and such, then more rides. At the end of the day and being who I am, I got my Dad to buy a rabbit ears diadem for me. And half of the day, my feet hurt. Going around for a whole day in high heels wasn't a good idea, and I knew it but still did it. I was so exhausted after that day. A part of my asberger is that it is really tiring to be social and have the constant noises and smells around you. I also have an urge to look at everything I see faces, nature, buildings, clothes, signs, animals even the ground. So a lot of images for my brain to process in a very short period of time, all the time. It's like a camera transferring pictures to a computer but the camera takes new pictures every second. And the computer overheats and goes slower because it can't keep up with the speed of the camera.

As I sit in the car on my way home I chat a little in guild chat, after a while I begin my 'in a car' routine there I get into a trance or zoomed out condition while listening to music.

Then we get home I get to bed almost immediately, sleeping to the later hours of the morning the next day.

Then I wake up I am back to being emotionless.

'Did I actually feel happy yesterday?'

I can't remember the last time it happened, oh wait it was then Yuki was gonna be a transfer student. Why does this have to happen to me? Love doesn't like me but depression loves to much. Life is nice and cruel to me for different reasons and different things but happens at the same time.

My heart feels like a dark hole, consuming every happy feeling and produces depressed once instead.